Tequila And Its Smoky Cousin Mezcal

[Cousin Kil]

TEQUILA AND ITS SMOKY COUSIN MEZCAL

Kenny goes to Mexico to get his
Tequila,
Drives down in the long 300D, the
1983 Mercedes he's been driving as long as
He's been going down to Mexico to get his
Tequila
He also enjoys cigars when he goes
To Mexico, never brings them home
But gets in with the locals (ones he met the first year) and they enjoy drawing and dragging at
Corojo robustos,
Te-Amos usually, and occasionally
They bust out Cuban-colored maduros,
When they're lucky,
Like repeat they'll smoke away each day
And each night drink homemade mezcal
Poured from Baltasar's old milk jug, and
With some, Gaspar pours out an old Gulf story
Either the time he caught the blacktip
Or the time he caught the bull
He claims he wrestled one to death but after
An empty jug even Gaspar doesn't know
Which shark he killed with his own bare hands
And Kenny always says, through brassy laughs, he believes him
And Juan always says he's full of shit
Though at the end of the story it doesn't matter who's sold on it,
Only matters it's been told the way
It's been told
At the end of the week, he gets back in his sedan
Early, the three always want to send him
With a jug of smoky mezcal
And he declines, saying how it'd get taken by customs and make a drunk borderline
Instead he only takes his handle of
Tequila
They manage to work one last long cigar into his hand to burn the ride
Waving and he waves back with the lit
Gran corona
Driving home from Mexico,
He wonders how many humidors he could fill with ash,
And how far a line of emptied jugs could stretch, like in those recycle commercials
If they could stretch to his house
He thinks after these years, he couldn't take mezcal anywhere else, knows
He never came south for the
Tequila

-----------------------------------

This one's relatively finished from a couple months back. Hope someone enjoys it as much I enjoyed writing it.

[Tiger the Lion]

Hey Cousin. I think my understanding of this poem was greatly enhanced by my misinterpretation of your "Sitting Shiva" poem.   Stylistically it works for me. Although I still wonder about the caps at the line starts. If I could articulate why, I think it is that the writing style is somewhat rebellious and the caps feel almost retro-conformist. OK, won't bring that up again. 

TEQUILA AND ITS SMOKY COUSIN MEZCAL

Kenny goes to Mexico to get his
Tequila, Yes, tequila can hold its own line
Drives down in the long 300D, the
1983 Mercedes he's been driving as long as
He's been going down to Mexico to get his I like the repetition here
Tequila Yes again
He also enjoys cigars when he goes think you could edit "also" here - I find it a weak work when not 100% necessary 
To Mexico, never brings them home
But gets in with the locals (ones he met the first year) and they enjoy drawing and dragging at love drawing and dragging
Corojo robustos,
Te-Amos usually, and occasionally
They bust out Cuban-colored maduros,
When they're lucky,
Like repeat they'll smoke away each day
And each night drink homemade mezcal does mezcal not deserve its own line - as tequila gets 4 times? not sure
Poured from Baltasar's old milk jug, and
With some, Gaspar pours out an old Gulf story
Either the time he caught the blacktip
Or the time he caught the bull
He claims he wrestled one to death but after
An empty jug even Gaspar doesn't know which shark he killed with his own bare hands
And Kenny always says, through brassy laughs, he believes him brassy laughs is perfect
And Juan always says he's full of shit
Though at the end of the story it doesn't matter who's sold on it, only matters it's been told the way
It's been told
At the end of the week, he gets back in his sedan
Early, the three always want to send him
With a smoky jug of mezcal I want this to read "with a jug of smokey mezcal" No?
And he declines, saying how it'd get taken by customs and make a drunk borderline
Instead he only takes his handle of
Tequila
They manage to work one last long cigar into his hand to burn the ride
Waving and he waves back with the lit
Gran corona
Driving home from Mexico,
He wonders how many humidors he could fill with ash,
And how far a line of emptied jugs could stretch, like in those recycle commercials
If they could stretch to his house
He thinks after these years, he couldn't take mezcal anywhere else, knows
He never came south for the
Tequila

-----------------------------------

This one's relatively finished from a couple months back. Hope someone enjoys it as much I enjoyed writing it.

Enjoyed this one. Hope some of that helps and was not too much for Miscel.
Paul

[Mark A Becker]

Hey CK-

Cool little story, and I really appreciate poems that tell stories.

Watch the (un)even line lengths. A couple well placed line breaks could easily cure that and make the piece easier on the eye beams. This poem is perfect to work in some effective (en)jambing. (See work by Leanne Hanson on this very site, for some great examples.)

Since this is MISC I'll hold further critique.

I'll go out on a limb and say that I enjoyed reading this one as much as you enjoyed writing it.

... Mark

[Cousin Kil]

Hey Cousin. I think my understanding of this poem was greatly enhanced by my misinterpretation of your "Sitting Shiva" poem.   Stylistically it works for me. Although I still wonder about the caps at the line starts. If I could articulate why, I think it is that the writing style is somewhat rebellious and the caps feel almost retro-conformist. OK, won't bring that up again. 

Enjoyed this one. Hope some of that helps and was not too much for Miscel.
Paul

Hey Paul,

I understand your sentiments, I usually am rambunctious when it comes to caps, commas, etc., and for the most part I like it that way. When I read my stuff, I think it works, and it all has intention. That's just the voice I'm working with, not that it's anything particularly profound. But it means a good deal to see that you think it works too, at least in this piece's case. In regards to comments:

"Drawing and dragging at" is one of my favorite lines from this one. Just satisfying to say. Happy to see you noticed it. "Brassy laughs" too.

I didn't give "mezcal" its own line because I liked the idea of "Tequila" becoming a focal point and later a symbol for the real reason Kenny goes down to Mexico. Tequila is what the 'purpose' of the trip is, but the real reason he travels south is for the company, experience, etc. Mezcal is only a piece of that experience. Tequila is isolated and capped to give attention to it and to clue the audience in on the real meaning of that bottle. Plus, it's just fun to say.

"Smoky" or "smokey", same difference. I don't know if you're British and if the spelling differs in your neck of the woods, but American English accepts both spellings to my knowledge. I've mostly seen it excluding the "e".

I will keep in mind your other suggestions, and also, don't hold back on my work even when in Misc. All the feedback is greatly appreciated.

Cousin

---

Hey CK-

Cool little story, and I really appreciate poems that tell stories.  

Watch the (un)even line lengths. A couple well placed line breaks could easily cure that and make the piece easier on the eye beams.  This poem is perfect to work in some effective (en)jambing. (See work by Leanne Hanson on this very site, for some great examples.)

Since this is MISC I'll hold further critique.

I'll go out on a limb and say that I enjoyed reading this one as much as you enjoyed writing it.  

... Mark

Mark,

I considered your line length suggestion, deliberated, and made adjustments to a couple lines. There are some I will fight you on though haha, for instance "drawing and dragging at". I love where that breaks too much.

I've seen some of Leanne's work, she is STELLAR

For my stuff, don't get bogged down too much by where it is (forum-wise). I got open ears all the time.

Glad you enjoyed it, and I've found I always enjoy hearing (well, seeing actually) what you have to say

Best,
Cousin

[Tiger the Lion]

Hey Cousin. I think my understanding of this poem was greatly enhanced by my misinterpretation of your "Sitting Shiva" poem.   Stylistically it works for me. Although I still wonder about the caps at the line starts. If I could articulate why, I think it is that the writing style is somewhat rebellious and the caps feel almost retro-conformist. OK, won't bring that up again. 

Enjoyed this one. Hope some of that helps and was not too much for Miscel.
Paul

Hey Paul,

I understand your sentiments, I usually am rambunctious when it comes to caps, commas, etc., and for the most part I like it that way. When I read my stuff, I think it works, and it all has intention. That's just the voice I'm working with, not that it's anything particularly profound. But it means a good deal to see that you think it works too, at least in this piece's case. In regards to comments:

"Drawing and dragging at" is one of my favorite lines from this one. Just satisfying to say. Happy to see you noticed it. "Brassy laughs" too.

I didn't give "mezcal" its own line because I liked the idea of "Tequila" becoming a focal point and later a symbol for the real reason Kenny goes down to Mexico. Tequila is what the 'purpose' of the trip is, but the real reason he travels south is for the company, experience, etc. Mezcal is only a piece of that experience. Tequila is isolated and capped to give attention to it and to clue the audience in on the real meaning of that bottle. Plus, it's just fun to say.

"Smoky" or "smokey", same difference. I don't know if you're British and if the spelling differs in your neck of the woods, but American English accepts both spellings to my knowledge. I've mostly seen it excluding the "e".

I will keep in mind your other suggestions, and also, don't hold back on my work even when in Misc. All the feedback is greatly appreciated.

Cousin

---

Hey CK-

Cool little story, and I really appreciate poems that tell stories.  

Watch the (un)even line lengths. A couple well placed line breaks could easily cure that and make the piece easier on the eye beams.  This poem is perfect to work in some effective (en)jambing. (See work by Leanne Hanson on this very site, for some great examples.)

Since this is MISC I'll hold further critique.

I'll go out on a limb and say that I enjoyed reading this one as much as you enjoyed writing it.  

... Mark

Mark,

I considered your line length suggestion, deliberated, and made adjustments to a couple lines. There are some I will fight you on though haha, for instance "drawing and dragging at". I love where that breaks too much.

I've seen some of Leanne's work, she is STELLAR

For my stuff, don't get bogged down too much by where it is (forum-wise). I got open ears all the time.

Glad you enjoyed it, and I've found I always enjoy hearing (well, seeing actually) what you have to say

Best,
Cousin

My mistake. 

With a smoky jug of mezcal I want this to read "with a jug of smokey mezcal" No?

"Smokey" spelling was MY typo. What I meant was shouldn't the mezcal be smoky, rather than the jug. 
Paul

[Cousin Kil]

[/quote]

My mistake. 

With a smoky jug of mezcal I want this to read "with a jug of smokey mezcal" No?

"Smokey" spelling was MY typo. What I meant was shouldn't the mezcal be smoky, rather than the jug. 
Paul
[/quote]

Oh didn't catch that. Or don't remember catching it. I've made the appropriate change. Thanks, I appreciate it!