The Prophet

[Grace]

I keep coming back to this. I've put a few thoughts below.  I'm still puzzling, to be honest, which can only be a good thing  

Edit #1 -- now with new improved line breaks...

The day I fell asleep­, the lights went on
in studio six.  Behind my lids, miles of cable TV studio. TV itself could be an idol/has soporific affect on the brain
and gaffer tape twisted around Herakles
preparing hydra three ways as Hera criticised Cooking show with Greek gods
his lack of sauce.  Two fallen stars turned to boys Christ & Mohammed.(??)
on a staging ground; a city wall was raised, razed,  
dusted and fed to wolves with crossed eyes. crossed is maybe looking at 2 religions at the same time, or looking at a cross.
 
I rolled and the world turned with me.  Dido puzzled  Sleeping prophet rolls over/camera rolls
isoperimetrically and someone found the salt.  Princess & the salt
No, there is no room in this dish for an elephant,
unless poached.  Beware, the idols are burning.  -poached- stolen.
 
Here in sleep, I am divine and diviner.  It has happened:
it will happen.  Myth and man are no mystery.  -"nothing new under the sun"
You turn your back, fiddle and the world catches fire.  -turn your back on what's cooking...
Where are your roses now?  Nobody will have you.  You are evicted,
extracted, amazed.  I offer you my vision; you cast it aside.  
 
Tomorrow I will wake to blindness, rise, and tread my eyes
into the dirt. 


Original

The day I fell asleep­, the lights went on
in studio six.  Behind my lids, miles of 
cable and gaffer tape twisted around Herakles
preparing hydra three ways as Hera criticised
his lack of sauce.  Two stars turned to boys on a
staging ground and a city wall was raised, razed, 
dusted and fed to wolves with crossed eyes.
 
I rolled and the world turned with me.  Princesses
puzzled isoperimetrically and someone found the salt. 
No, there is no room in this dish for an elephant,
unless poached.  Mind, the idols are burning.  All is dark.
 
Here in sleep, I am divine and diviner.  It has happened:
it will happen.  Myth and man are no mystery.  You turn
your back, fiddle and the world catches fire.  Where are
your roses now?  Nobody will have you.  You are evicted,
extracted, amazed.  I offer you my vision.
 
Tomorrow I will wake to blindness, rise, and tread my eyes
into the dirt.  You will never see.

[Leanne]

Many thanks, Grace. That you came back for another go is enough for me, and I appreciate it. Your interpretations work well and include some ideas I hadn't thought of -- which can only be a good thing

Quix, don't worry, when I say "shelve" I never mean delete. Never throw any poem away -- something in it is always salvageable, reworkable, or a good starting point for a new poem. Thanks for your feedback.

[rayheinrich]

After much tyresome googling: I have effected, all without the
help of undue modesty, a creative explication of your odeous olio
(sans poached pachyderm). It was Childe's play.

If your interpretation comes anywhere near mine, I'd consider
the damn thing a good poem except for the last line-and-a-quarter
(which my interpretation excludes).

"Tomorrow I will wake to blindness, rise, and tread my eyes
into the dirt."  

Inserting old movie clichés into a poem, even when intended as
homage or oblong irony, is pretty lame dude.

But, excepting for the fact that it ends the poem, it's really just a nit.



P.S.
Princess Dido from Tyre was a rarity,
Her bum Carthage's source of prosperity;
A maximal flat
Was obtained when she sat,
Her posterior proved her posterity.


P.P.S.  
Pentodes are noisy
Triodes are sweet
But power corrupted
Now they're obsolete

[Leanne]

Inserting old movie clichés into a poem, even when intended as
homage or oblong irony, is pretty lame dude.

Totally missed your reference, sorry. If it's an old movie cliche, it's not from any old movies I've seen. Perhaps the idea of vision as literal eyes, discarded on the floor, requires clarification. What movie is that from? Something Texican?

[rayheinrich]

Inserting old movie clichés into a poem, even when intended as
homage or oblong irony, is pretty lame dude.

Totally missed your reference, sorry.  If it's an old movie cliche,
it's not from any old movies I've seen.  Perhaps the idea of vision
as literal eyes, discarded on the floor, requires clarification.  
What movie is that from?  Something Texican?

If only one member of your audience experiences it as a cliché
it's not called a cliché anymore, it's called his problem.  *


*The first movies that came to mind were Eisenstein's
Battleship Potemkin, Hitchcock's The 39 Steps, Maya Deren's
Meshes of the Afternoon (though, technically, it's a mirror reflecting
eyes that gets crushed - but metaphor IS metaphor after all), etc.
(Buñuel/Dalí's Un Chien Andalou probably doesn't count as the eye
there is being cut open with a razor.) Of course it wasn't a cliché then,
that happened when schlocky horror movies, psychological thrillers, etc.
started using it and using it.

[Leanne]

Well, I'm aware of the use of the eye in cinema and yep, I've seen all those except the Maya Deren one (which I've now put on my little list), but I still can't see the cliche, sorry. I'm not trying to be obtuse or defensive, it's just that you can't call an eye a cliche, dude, we've all got them. I'll maybe stretch so far as to allow it as a trope, but that's really stretching. It's like saying you can't hug someone with your arms.

[rayheinrich]

Well, I'm aware of the use of the eye in cinema and yep, I've seen all
those except the Maya Deren one (which I've now put on my little list),
but I still can't see the cliche, sorry.  I'm not trying to be obtuse
or defensive, it's just that you can't call an eye a cliche, dude,
we've all got them. I'll maybe stretch so far as to allow it as a trope,
but that's really stretching.  It's like saying you can't hug
someone with your arms.

Yep, understand. We're leaving the territory of cliché subjectivity
and entering the realm of metaphor fuzziness. I'd sooner try to delineate jello*.
How narrow/wide/deep/shallow?, what symbol does this sign really signify?, where
in your wicked Uncle Ernie's mind is the fiddling?

"The idea of vision as literal eyes, discarded on the floor.

Is fine with me.

It reminded me of all those movies where some myopic person (a vast metaphor
in and of itself) looses their glasses and, while blindly looking (also a vast
metaphor) for them, steps on them. Sometimes a villain or some such jerks them
off and steps on them. The crunching sound always elicits groans from the audience.
I remember a horror movie where a pair of binoculars was modified so that moving
the thumb-wheel to focus them drove a four inch spike into each of your eyes.
How's that for metaphor!  

Yes, it's not a cliché, it's an ancient idiom. I hereby retract my criticism.  




    *delineated

[Todd]

Hey Leanne, can't make myself read the thread. I lack the necessary patience. So, if I miss something obvious in the poem that's already been discussed--that's just me.


Here goes:

Title: After reading this, I'm a bit surprised you didn't go with "The Oracle" which seems to fit the literary allusions. So, my assumption is you're going for the two aspects of a prophet (forth telling and foretelling). The Oracle shares the latter, but isn't meant to be the voice of reform, more the voice of future doom.

Edit #1 -- now with new improved line breaks...

The day I fell asleep­, the lights went on--Love the opening. It has an apparent paradox/contradiction. It works with the title as prophets are often known for their visions and dreams. It gives the reader a sense that there will be a vision coming, the light promising clarity. It's also a wonderful line break as we get to have the layered meaning of cameras switching on.
in studio six.  Behind my lids, miles of cable --Behind my lids lets us know that we're still in the vision.
and gaffer tape twisted around Herakles--Perfect lead up to the trial of the hydra. I was a bit disappointed that you actually called it out by name in the next line. I was already there with the tape twisted around herakles (love that spelling by the way). 
preparing hydra three ways as Hera criticised --As a possible alternative to calling out the name. You could simply have the heads continue to multiply having him use a blow torch as you would on a creme brulee to cauterize them and prevent growth (may be too involved). Love the cooking show competion view.
his lack of sauce.  Two fallen stars turned to boys--I feel like I'm missing two thirds of the allusions in this poem. I love the use of fallen stars (television vs myths like Phaeton and Calisto (though not a boy) It's also interesting that you choose Hera. It makes me think of Zeus and a casting couch--with your below wolves making me think of Leto, Artemis and Apollo's mother (probably thinking about that because of the "Two" fallen stars--though again only one of those two was a boy. 
on a staging ground; a city wall was raised, razed,  
dusted and fed to wolves with crossed eyes.
 
I rolled and the world turned with me.  Dido puzzled--It's lines like this that make it feel like prophecy. It also gives a nice visual transition from the bed to a new scene. 
isoperimetrically and someone found the salt.--Love the word choice trying to puzzle out the meaning (like the Queen). This feels almost mad hatter, through the looking glass crazy, like an image we can't interpret except in hindsight without the mind of God.  
No, there is no room in this dish for an elephant,--humorous break. It makes me think of those angels on a pin, theological construct questions.
unless poached.  Beware, the idols are burning. Idols does double duty here like stars above. For a prophet, I think Beware is a curious word. Idols imply something you worship that is not the true God (even if the true God has a representational icon). I think this would be more rendered as more judgment than warning. 
 
Here in sleep, I am divine and diviner.  It has happened:--I didn't look at the originals line breaks (to know how they were improved) but I like this one again. You're playing with the That which was, is, and ever will be sort of thing.
it will happen.  Myth and man are no mystery.--Mystery is a loaded word in this context. Nice choice.  
You turn your back, fiddle and the world catches fire.--Now we're with Nero, and Television, and the world catching fire in a multitude of insipid ways.  
Where are your roses now?  Nobody will have you.  You are evicted,--Hello reality TV. A lot of good economy of language and contempt here.
extracted, amazed.  I offer you my vision; you cast it aside. --A prophet is not without honor except in their home town. 
 
Tomorrow I will wake to blindness, rise, and tread my eyes--Tread my eyes is lovely.
into the dirt.  

Enjoyed the read, Leanne.


Best,


Todd

[Leanne]

Many thanks Todd. I didn't notice the incongruity with "beware" but now you've pointed it out, it's unacceptable. I do want "idols" just for the reality tv aspect, and simply dropping "beware" doesn't cut it, so I'm going to have to think about how to weave that back in (or perhaps leave it out altogether as it might be too heavy-handed anyway). Maybe something about "you are burning your idols"?

The fallen stars were shifting Greece to Rome, Castor and Pollux, then on to Romulus and Remus. If you haven't picked it up, then it's not clear enough so I'm going to have to really re-think that segue. I wish I could get away with not naming the hydra, but since others have had difficulty figuring out the allusion even with open statement, I think it's just going to have to stay overt.

Thank you again. Much thinking for me.

[Magpie]

I was just intending to say something about how much I've learnt from watching all the comments on this poem and even though I was way way off with my attempt I don't mind because it's made me think about things more. But while I'm here, it would be cheeky to leave without offering anything. So you may have to humour me somewhat but for Hydra instead of mentioning it could it be, well I had a couple of thoughts 'hardy serpent' because I saw the anagram with hardy and hydra although hardy is more associated with plants and the other one was 'hedera' which is of course Ivy but is also an anagram of 'header' as in 9 header or just as in a nutter. Or there is 'Hedera Helix' a type of Ivy that is quite serpentine and I'll stop before I get to the Hardy Hedera Hel... you know what I mean. There's too many H's going on there, I've just noticed. But I did give it some thought. Honest.

What I really wanted to say was thank you immensely for the simple yet important fact that the Greeks had no letter 'C' you don't know how much that has made so many other things that I've been thinking about make sense this past week. I wish that they had told us that the first day at school and then certain things would have been easier. You're right about the Romans although I suppose the fact that I lived in Valeria Close, Hadrian Park, Wallsend should have been a clue to the way it was going to go. I do mean that about the letter 'C' or should I say the letter 'K' it all makes sense now. Cheers

[Todd]

Many thanks Todd.  I didn't notice the incongruity with "beware" but now you've pointed it out, it's unacceptable.  I do want "idols" just for the reality tv aspect, and simply dropping "beware" doesn't cut it, so I'm going to have to think about how to weave that back in (or perhaps leave it out altogether as it might be too heavy-handed anyway).  Maybe something about "you are burning your idols"?  

The fallen stars were shifting Greece to Rome, Castor and Pollux, then on to Romulus and Remus.  If you haven't picked it up, then it's not clear enough so I'm going to have to really re-think that segue.  I wish I could get away with not naming the hydra, but since others have had difficulty figuring out the allusion even with open statement, I think it's just going to have to stay overt.  

Thank you again.  Much thinking for me.

I probably should have picked up the falling stars. An idea for the roman shift though if that doesn't convince you is slide Juno into there some place as some celebrity makeover and reuse Hera again. Then lead to the falling stars and it probably sets it fine.

Just a thought