monostitch

[Mark A Becker]

Lay Down Your Arms
The stubborn heroin will never surrender

[Magpie]

Lay Down Your Arms
The stubborn heroin will never surrender

Hi Mark, this is a new form to me that I can see may have interesting possibilities. First I just need to check did you mean Monostich without the second 't', for a moment I thought you may have changed it for a reason (it could also have interesting possibilities) --- I've actually now noticed that others have called it 'monostitch', although I think this is a mistake that others must have followed because 'stich' means a line of poetry.

Anyway... I get easily distracted sorry about that...

I thought is was strange that the first line had all the words capitalised but after reading the wiki link I realise that this is your title and I think it's a very clever use of words playing on a cliche.
The problem I have a little bit is with the second line or the actual poem as it were. I can see what you're getting at but it almost comes across as tame when I feel as though it should be smashing me over the head with a sledgehammer. Part of the problem I think is the use of the word 'heroin' which is only used by people who don't use 'heroin' (and Lou Reed, though I'm sure he had his reasons for doing so) and although I appreciate that the narrator may be included in that group of people and therefore be more likely to use that word. But it somehow doesn't feel right for this piece --- and in the same vein (pun intended) 'stubborn' also doesn't feel like the right word -- Is it the heroin that's stubborn or the person, or the demon created within the person.
I'd rather not make any suggestions at the moment apart from saying that the title can work really well with a more powerful line to go with it. Others may disagree with me and may see it differently.

Yeah, I do write quite a lot sometimes, it's true... I blame velocity.

Also, one more thing, this form reminds me a little bit of a thread on this site started by Bena (mel) where all the poems had to be 6 words based on Hemingway's short poem : 

For Sale
baby shoes
never worn.



This is the thread link http://www.pigpenpoetry.com/thread-14535.html  I think you'll find it interesting as it is another form of micropoetry.


Cheers for the read,


Mark

[Mark A Becker]

Hey namesake-

I usually blame it on gravity.

Yes, I understand what you mean with the form: monstich or monostitch. The possible misspelling is arbitrary, but if there's some genius inner meaning at work that you saw, than I would certainly claim it as intentional.

I'm familiar with the many terms to describe the big H, but stick with the generic here to open up the multiplicity of meanings. (Man, if that don't sound high-minded...).

In this form, the title + one line is quite a challenge. While I agree that "stubborn" may not be the best choice, it is the one I came up with, so far.

That said, I really appreciate the various short form stuff, like the "baby shoes" piece that you referenced.

A form that I was blasted for even proposing is what I call thumbstruck poetry: poems written using only texting characters. LOL WTF OMG ... I have yet to attempt one, and haven't seen one.

Anybody else seen one?

Anywho, THANKS Mark,
the other Mark

[tectak]

Lay Down Your Arms
The stubborn heroin will never surrender

Hi mark,
Let's just stick with Monostich...after all, credit is best applied where due

OK, so true to form, title is of significance if you want to be punny funny  but for the cleverness to work you need to make the whole thing so obvious that the reader thinks " Hey, that's neat...why didn't I think of that".
Here, we have what may or may not be  a competant play on words...one cannot be sure that the writer means what is said and in that sense something is lost.( Hell, it could even be monostick...huh?) Even the heroin/heroine play is suspect in context.(No offence, you know what you are doing...but do we believe you?)
It should not be that more is said about a Monostich than is written...but more should be within the words than is simplistically apparent.
The old chestnut ( by someone) "Bravery runs in our family" is more of a dichotomy born out of pairing the bravery with running (away) but would still be called a Monostich to give it the benefit of categorisation over and above the pun.
To elevate the form, and it may have  been a Grouchoism, the line with a condition followed by the pun works much better as in
" xxxxx runs in our family like wooden legs" just BECAUSE of the silliness; it has no pretensions of intellectual pontification.
So where is this going? Well, I think this misses the target because of the opening cliche. The unoriginality of the opener (yes, the title) makes familiarity the enemy. The arrow flies out of the bow but falters and falls weakly...no solid impact. Oh, we can all argue profundity but without consensus we are left unsure. Maybe that is good, maybe that is bad...see, no consensus even in crit
Best,
tectak

[Mark A Becker]

Hello Tom (since I've seen others refer to you by your name instead of "tectak", I might as well, too)

And thanks for the long take on such a short piece.

I wouldn't put this one out there (or in here) unless I wanted the critiques, and I do appreciate the time you took. (Mono-stick: I love it. Laughed my ass off).

I shall re-visit this war on drugs/observation of junkies, and see what I can make of it...

Thanks again for taking a look,
...Mark