Oh How I Missed You

[Magpie]

You'll never know how I missed you,
my aim was off, I hit your hat.
You'll never know how I missed you,
my next shot made certain of that.

[ellajam]

You'll never know how I missed you,
my aim was off I hit your hat.
You'll never know how I missed you,
my next shot made certain of that.

Love it, if you don't want a comma after "off" for simplicity's sake you might need to reword. Thanks for the read, just what I needed.

[Magpie]

You'll never know how I missed you,
my aim was off I hit your hat.
You'll never know how I missed you,
my next shot made certain of that.

Love it, if you don't want a comma after "off" for simplicity's sake you might need to reword. Thanks for the read, just what I needed.

I've put the comma in for the moment, but I think it would be better without so you're right I'll need to reword it slightly. I'll have a think on it.
I fully expected the title to stop most people coming to read so it's good to know that you had faith in me. 

Thanks for reading, glad you enjoyed it,

Mark

[Barbito]

The title caught my attention, for the first time I expected something to do with missing someone before the poem takes me through the twist. I don't know the meaning yet, very small clues I can get from the it, but I think it is good as it is, I will have to read again, to post my interpretation... It engages

[Merrikay]

As this isn't serious critique, can I just say I loved the deceptive-ness of the title.

[billy]

yes, as long as there's some kind of feedback it should be okay

As this isn't serious critique, can I just say I loved the deceptive-ness of the title.

[billy]

it's funny enough to work. the refrain works as well.

You'll never know how I missed you,
my aim was off, I hit your hat.
You'll never know how I missed you,
my next shot made certain of that.

[just mercedes]

Great play with the double meanings of 'miss'. Made me giggle. Thanks!

[Magpie]

Thanks to all who commented on this, for some reason I thought I had replied to people... I must need sleep.
This was just a bit of fun and was inspired by a blues song which has the 'killer' opening lines,

"It'll be hard to miss you baby,
With my pistol in your mouth"

Sexual innuendo, violence, humour... how the blues died, I'll never know.  

Thanks once again for the comments, much appreciated.

Mark 

[ChristopherSea]

Mark,

For some reason I keep throwing in 'much' before I missed you.
However, that adds an extra syllable that you probably don't want.

It sounds like an old Howlin' Wolf tune. Nice ditty, you should
finish the song!/Chris

[Magpie]

Mark,

For some reason I keep throwing in 'much' before I missed you.
However, that adds an extra syllable that you probably don't want.

It sounds like an old Howlin' Wolf tune. Nice ditty, you should
finish the song!/Chris

Chris,

I hear what your saying with 'much', it does feel more natural to say it that way.
I like your idea of turning it into a song. Actually, I have recently been messing about with an interview by Howlin' Wolf because his spoken voice is so cool and I had ideas of using it to make a tune, so the idea of this being a Howlin' Wolf tune of sorts may not be an impossibility. You've got me thinking.

I love the blues, probably more than any other genre of music. However I was always more of a purist and listened only to acoustic blues. I never really cared much for electric blues and then one day I heard the Howl of the Wolf that made me think again.

Cheers for commenting,

Mark