The Textile Downtown

[Municipal Alchemist]

The Textile Downtown

I spent last night milling with
the midday gentrifiers
found myself floating on
waterfire gondolas
patrolling the bridges
hugging the meanders
guarding the towers
empty cornhusks
rising from the riparian

Such a treasure
a gotham in a snow globe
a hamlet sandwiched
into a bay-tipped
quill-and-ink-run-dry
half century flown
by hey Buddy’s
running for mayor
I’m sure that will work out
fine

I spent my pittance
on scrap
metal a hammer
for the waterwheel
turning
slowly
slowly
the miller trapped and
drowning

I joined the late-
morning Narragansett
for brunch by the fabric
tracks across
the weaves
and looms
a click-clack
of something so
overcoming

[Animal Riots Activist]

Map man,

Over winter break, I found myself in Kairouan, Tunisia, a city famous for being the 3rd holiest city in Islam (behind Mecca and Jerusalem) and for its textiles. It's really awesome seeing that contrasted with american pastoral in your poem, and though I've never been to Rhode Island, I feel like I'm there when reading this piece which is awesome.

As for the nuts and bolts, your control of language is immaculate as always, and though some might go after you for lack of punctuation, I am not one of those people. The one qualm I have is the last two lines don't really resolve the poem for me, and I'm looking for more, perhaps another stanza, a couple more lines, or just a re-tooling of the last two lines. And when editing this, I'd ask you to remember one thing: Patiency is a virtue.

Best,
Em

P.s. I know Em is a pseudonym, but it's ok to use male pronouns.

[billy]

it reads like a train of thought piece. love the use of milling on the first line, it connects to the textile industry, to gatherings and to corn husks. some of the enjambment feels forced [with-on, etc]
the 2nd stanze while having good sonics/flow left me a bit stumped. had to google Narragansett but it was worth it. as an ex mill worker i see what your trying to say in the last stanza but fabric
tacks is hard for me to fit in.

The Textile Downtown should it be down town or Downtown Textile?

I spent last night milling with
the midday gentrifiers
found myself floating on
waterfire gondolas
patrolling the bridges
hugging the meanders {is this saying [huging the bends?]}
guarding the towers
empty cornhusks
rising from the riparian does riparian need something more here; it reads as the river bank when it should mean of/on the riverbank. I do love the word choice

Such a treasure
a gotham in a snow globe
a hamlet sandwiched almost too clever
into a bay-tipped
quill-and-ink-run-dry
half century flown
by hey Buddy’s
running for mayor
I’m sure that will work out i like the enjambment here the pause adds another dimention
fine

I spent my pittance
on scrap
metal a hammer
for the waterwheel
turning
slowly
slowly nice [slowly's], that give an actual pace
the miller trapped and
drowning

I joined the late- not sure [-] is needed, i think the line separation works well enough
morning Narragansett
for brunch by the fabric
tracks across
the weaves
and looms
a click-clack the sound of these last three lines make the perfect noise
of something so
overcoming

[Municipal Alchemist]

Thanks for the feedback! Very glad to hear your two interesting perspectives about the theme.

Em- What do you think a retooling of the last lines, or a fifth stanza, should focus on? Is there a particular thread (harharhar) that you don't find closed? I really like the sound of the last few lines (and it seems billy does too!) but I agree that it falls flat in its content. I'd probably opt for one last stanza because of that.

billy- An ex mill worker! I'm very glad (and kind of shocked) that you like how I did the sound! I have no such experience, so it was a shot in the dark. The fabric tracks and the click-clack were intended to create a double image of industrial trains along with the looms, but I don't see much train in there looking back. That could probably be something to exploit for a new stanza.

Your language questions: Yes, I do mean hugging the bends. A meandering river is a specific kind that folds back on itself over and over. And for the title, in the US, the "downtown" is the area in the middle of a city with all the skyscrapers. I believe the first usage was talking about Manhattan, and I know European cities are generally not built as tall, so the term probably doesn't fit well there. (and if you know what it is I apologize for being patronizing!) Urban form is a huge topic in my poetry, so my title is meant to use the textile industry to modify and explain how the city is.

[Animal Riots Activist]

Thanks for the feedback! Very glad to hear your two interesting perspectives about the theme.

Em- What do you think a retooling of the last lines, or a fifth stanza, should focus on? Is there a particular thread (harharhar) that you don't find closed? I really like the sound of the last few lines (and it seems billy does too!) but I agree that it falls flat in its content. I'd probably opt for one last stanza because of that.

Yep, I could definitely buy into one last stanza. I suggested the retooling because the poem seems unresolved/unfinished, and I can't really pinpoint why (the stanza definitely feels like it finishes nicely with those last 2 lines, just not the poem).

-Em