Blessing/Curse/Woman

[shy_symphony]

Because I am a woman,
I am expected to be an impossible version of myself.
Because I am a woman,
Every lens I look through is distorted to imperfection.
Because I am a woman,
I try to turn every ounce of hate for myself into love for you,
Until I am bone and skin.
Because I am a woman,
I was taught that this is the only way I would get love back.
Because I am a woman,
The only way to be happy is to call for an uprising,
To fight an unholy war until I return to the soil.
Because I am a woman,
My existence is catastrophe.
But because I am a woman,
I am strong enough to survive.

[ellajam]

Because I am a woman,
I am expected to be an impossible version of myself.
Because I am a woman,
Every lens I look through is distorted to imperfection.
Because I am a woman,
I try to turn every ounce of hate for myself into love for you,
Until I am bone and skin.
Because I am a woman,
I was taught that this is the only way I would get love back.
Because I am a woman,
The only way to be happy is to call for an uprising,
To fight an unholy war until I return to the soil.
Because I am a woman,
My existence is catastrophe.
But because I am a woman,
I am strong enough to survive.

Hi,SS. While your poem is very hard-hitting,
"Because I am a woman,
My existence is catastrophe."
there are a few things I think you could try that might make it more effective.

"I am expected to be an impossible version of myself." Here I think you are missing a great opportunity to present us with a metaphor or simile that will plant an image and let us imagine what this impossible version is.

"I try to turn every ounce of hate for myself into love for you,
Until I am bone and skin." This is an interesting thought, I wonder how one might do that.

I don't think the refrain is helping you, your title already tells us this is about a woman, you might wait until the end to bring it up again.

Hope this helps.

[BelialNaoe]

Because I am a woman,
I am expected to be an impossible version of myself.
Because I am a woman,
Every lens I look through is distorted to imperfection.
Because I am a woman,
I try to turn every ounce of hate for myself into love for you,
Until I am bone and skin.
Because I am a woman,
I was taught that this is the only way I would get love back.
Because I am a woman,
The only way to be happy is to call for an uprising,
To fight an unholy war until I return to the soil.
Because I am a woman,
My existence is catastrophe.
But because I am a woman,
I am strong enough to survive.

Agreeing with previous post, metaphors left, right and centre! While, it's poignant on its own, to those (many) who would not understand the situation a woman would be in (undoubtedly the inspiration for writing) then a few strong metaphors would drive the point so much harder. If your message is an arrow, the poem is the bow, and the stronger and clearer you write, the more the bow is pulled back.

Rather than saying that it feels one way, tell us how and/or why, and what this feeling is like, paint a clear picture of the emotions you are expressing.

[Grace]

I agree with previous post, this is poignant on its own. The last two lines perhaps would have more impact if you left out the 'but'. So it would read "because I am a woman, I am strong enough to survive".
"Until I am bone and skin" makes me think of a woman feeling she has to be skinny to be beautiful, and then it turns ugly.
There were two lines that made me think, mainly because they felt out of context with the rest of the poem:
"The only way to be happy is to call for an uprising,
to fight an unholy war until I return to the soil"
These lines feel powerful and seem to switch the poem from an individual woman's struggle to find an identity in relation to the man in her life, to a more universal theme, like a cry from the heart.
There is much that is good in this. Thank you for the read of it. Grace :-)

[LorettaYoung]

Because I am a woman,
I am expected to be an impossible version of myself.
Because I am a woman,
Every lens I look through is distorted to imperfection.
Because I am a woman,
I try to turn every ounce of hate for myself into love for you,
Until I am bone and skin.
Because I am a woman,
I was taught that this is the only way I would get love back.
Because I am a woman,
The only way to be happy is to call for an uprising,
To fight an unholy war until I return to the soil.
Because I am a woman,
My existence is catastrophe.
But because I am a woman,
I am strong enough to survive.

Hi; I enjoyed the poem interested because I am a woman.  I do agree that you can limit "because I am a woman", perhaps as a title and first line and end thought. I agree that you can show more of what you mean by using imagery; for example,
in what way are you expected to be an impossible version of yourself. And I don't agree that being a woman necessarily entails self hate; could you elaborate on this. In a way it seems very personal to you. I would also elaborate on why an uprising, and what kind of uprising is necessary for a woman to be happy. If you expand these thoughts with imagery, and lessen the line "because I am......" your poem would be more vivid. I do like the metaphor of "bone and skin". But I would love to hear more about the "catastrophe.  Thanks for posting. I'd love to hear in more depth really. Loretta

[makeshift]

Because I am a woman,
I am expected to be an impossible version of myself.
Because I am a woman,
Every lens I look through is distorted to imperfection.
Because I am a woman,
I try to turn every ounce of hate for myself into love for you,
Until I am bone and skin.
Because I am a woman,
I was taught that this is the only way I would get love back.
Because I am a woman,
The only way to be happy is to call for an uprising,
To fight an unholy war until I return to the soil.
Because I am a woman,
My existence is catastrophe.
But because I am a woman,
I am strong enough to survive.

I get a feel for the strength of the narrator with this poem. The structure of the poem has a sturdiness that I can feel in the narrator as well. I think my gripe with this poem is that its doing too much telling where it could be showing. For example you write, "I am expected to be an impossible version of myself" where as it might be more poignant to describe something, like a situation or environment, that makes us feel like you are expected to be an impossible version of yourself. Anyway im probably just echoing the other comments, but I think this has potential! Thnx for sharing

[RiverNotch]

1. I dislike the title. It weakens the refrain. It gives away the message too explicitly. It sounds kinda hammy and inappropriate (it's too blunt, I think, to fit the sharp style of the poem, and the slashes, I think, don't fit with the style of the poem). You should change it.
2. The long lines are too long, I think. The poem has very sharp imagery ('until I am bone and skin', 'lens....distorted to imperfection', 'existence is catastrophe'), but the long lines make it sound heavy, and so, blunt, which I think is a muddying contrast.

Because I am a woman,
I am expected to be an impossible version of myself. This is a bit prosaic for me. A good image here would work just as well, I think. 
Because I am a woman,
Every lens I look through is distorted to imperfection. A bit nitpicky: the lens is distorted? Eh? 
Because I am a woman, I feel the refrain here is unneeded. 
I try to turn every ounce of hate for myself into love for you, I think this line should be shortened. Again, the image here is sharp, but the length of the line really weakens it.
Until I am bone and skin. Love this.
Because I am a woman, I feel the refrain here is unneeded.
I was taught that this is the only way I would get love back. 
Because I am a woman,
The only way to be happy is to call for an uprising, Again, I feel this line is too long, and I don't think uprising is a strong enough word. It sounds too melodic. 
To fight an unholy war until I return to the soil. The metaphor here sounds broken. A different image -- I'm thinking something more playful in sound ('the only way to be happy'), less metaphorical in terms of imagery (perhaps be more explicit on the issue of body-image?), but just as sharp in message -- will work better here.
Because I am a woman,
My existence is catastrophe. This needs to be developed -- in the context of what's already been said, 'catastrophe' is just too strong a description. Either add to your descriptions of relationship woes in the second block of thought and your descriptions of an uprising in the third block of thought, or just change this altogether.
But because I am a woman,
I am strong enough to survive. Good ending, but so far I haven't really felt anything that will hamper the speaker's capacity that much. 

Overall, strong poem -- the mood and images you're trying to transmit are really there -- but I think it needs a good deal of development still, while making its sound sharper, to better fit the tone. Thanks for the read!

[Snarly Locks]

This carries very strong expressions and emotions. I like the feel of "Because I am a Woman" -- it conveyed strength of character. However,  you lost me with
The only way to be happy is to call for an uprising,
To fight an unholy war until I return to the soil.
Even as a metaphor, I found it distracted from the whole.

[billy]

because it's about a common theme (for of women) it has to be original and in general it is, for me it lacks enough depth or imagery to hold the reader for long. what is distorted perfect? why is your existence catastrophe?  for me the refrain does much to much and because of this is pretty weak. the 1st line yes, and may another one or two throughout the poem. watch out for words or phrases that carry little or no weight. this seems to be a poem about "woman" in bold letters. i pointed out one such line there are others.

Because I am a woman,
I am expected to be an impossible version of myself. this line is long and also weak. which makes the opening statement weak; a suggestion would be to create some imagery that's strong and original and use it as a first line, then come in with the 'because i am woman' line.
Because I am a woman,
Every lens I look through is distorted to imperfection.
Because I am a woman,
I try to turn every ounce of hate for myself into love for you, is [try to] and [every ounce of] needed or does it make the line too wordy?
Until I am bone and skin.
Because I am a woman,
I was taught that this is the only way I would get love back.
Because I am a woman,
The only way to be happy is to call for an uprising,
To fight an unholy war until I return to the soil.
Because I am a woman,
My existence is catastrophe.
But because I am a woman,
I am strong enough to survive.

[ajaxthesmall]

Because I am a woman,
I am expected to be an impossible version of myself.
Because I am a woman,
Every lens I look through is distorted to imperfection.
Because I am a woman,
I try to turn every ounce of hate for myself into love for you,
Until I am bone and skin.
Because I am a woman,
I was taught that this is the only way I would get love back.
Because I am a woman,
The only way to be happy is to call for an uprising,
To fight an unholy war until I return to the soil.
Because I am a woman,
My existence is catastrophe.
But because I am a woman,
I am strong enough to survive.

hi!
i enjoyed the overall aim of this poem very much. i agree with you that there are a lot of impossible double standards and societal limitations placed on women and any poem that tries to explore those is wonderful in my book.
a few of the other replies here i think said something about reducing the repetition - less "because i am a woman" lines. i absolutely agree. while repetition can be extremely powerful in conveying anger or pain (see Allen Ginsberg's Howl), there's a way to do it. when your poem is this short, and you're breaking up each single image and line with that one repetition it actually lessens the impact of the words rather than heightening it, as i imagine you're going for. sort of like when you say one word so many time that you start to wonder if it's even a word.
i also think some of the lines here ("my existence is catastrophe; to fight an unholy war...) run the risk of making you sound melodramatic when you really are calling attention to something important here. there are good images that i like, for example the bone and skin thing evokes a sort of anorexic type shape which i think is important, but some of your images end up a bit foggy and over-generalized (again, the catastrophe line). there's a shape that this poem needs to take, and i think that's something slightly more personal and more specific, in order for it to have the impact that it should have. thanks for listening!
-ajax