Eve's Droppings

[crow]

Eve's Droppings

This is before Abel's pal, Jones, said, "duck,"
and before Cain's friend, Jones, said, "anything but schist." 
It's way way way way way before the rain,
but it's after we didn't know that we didn't exist.
This was after Adam went morose
and kept on asking if I'd like it if God stole my elbow,
after I heard God say to the snake, "I doubt it to the tune
of twenty smackers." It's after that fucking apple, 
but before we had to move,
after we were naked, but
before we were nude,
that I sat, all scatterbrained,
looking into my diarrhea,
t h a t was when my shit started stinking,
when I happened to overhear
to Adam God say,
"Hey, who took my . . . "

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--this was originally titled "Why Sh*t Stinks," but I liked the other better. I'd welcome any thoughts on that

[slave]

Eve's Droppings

This is before Abel's pal, Jones, said, "duck,"
and before Cain's friend, Jones, said, "anything but schist." 
It's way way way way way before the rain, a bit too many "way"s. kind of unappealing and hardish too read
but it's after we didn't know that we didn't exist.
This was after Adam went morose
and kept on asking if I'd like it if God stole my elbow, i like this line. quite funny
after I heard God say to the snake, "I doubt it to the tune i don't think this dialogue should be cut into two seperate lines, at least not where it is cut now. maybe cut it after "I doubt it"
of twenty smackers." It's after that fucking apple, 
but before we had to move,
after we were naked, but
before we were nude,
that I sat, all scatterbrained, scatterbrained sounds awkward
looking into my diarrhea,
t h a t was when my shit started stinking, was the "t h a t" spelled this way to show emphasis?
when I happened to overhear
to Adam God say,
"Hey, who took my . . . "

---

--this was originally titled "Why Sh*t Stinks," but I liked the other better. I'd welcome any thoughts on that

a lot of this poem i had trouble finding the beat, particularly in the second half where a lot of the lines get short. but maybe i'm the only one and a fool for not finding it. I like the name of this poem because it helps me easier understand whose POV this is told from and at the same time is comical.

[just mercedes]

Reminds me of a book I almost wrote once, about identifying Australian wildlife, called "Whose poo are you?"

[billy]

that apple has a lot to answer for., though i'm sure eve would have turned her nose at my farts even before she bit the fruit.

liked it

[crow]

slave--solid points! just bc you'd asked, I spaced out "that" for emphasis. But that caught your attention more than diary/diahrrea? I guess I should've gone full-bode with "flipping through my"

thanks for the edit!

Also, I'm solid gold now that billy and mercedes both said nice things to me. Good luck, world. I'm going to be intolerable today.

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Oh, and I was going for a pun with scatterbrained