Lack

[fromcancertocapricorn]

I am not a poet.
I lack the substance upon which to write.
I do not carry a messenger bag,
brimming with spontaneity and colors.
Under my arm hangs an absence,
a lack of substance.
However, i dare not let my arm rest, for it will
crush what i lack.
I pull file folders
with no labels and no contents
and pull out of a bag that has no bottom,
bottomless.
Why should it have a bottom
with nothing to fall to it?
The grey file folders
have no rectitude, no vice.
They leave me
in the same condition as the folder they were pulled from:
bottomless.
They leave, leaving nothing to speak about,
but much to be spoken.

[ABennett]

I like the sort of "no nonsense" voice you've adopted in this poem, it certainly creates the desolate - yet whimsical - mood I believe you're trying to achieve with this poem. There were only two lines that I found confusing and ultimately not useful to the poem, those being "and pull out of a bag that has no bottom,
bottomless." I think what you were trying to convey is that the bag is bottomless, but at this point you are using bottomless as the subject of the sentence. If you want to keep it as written, I would suggest putting a period in place of the comma. There were quite a few repeats of similar words ("substance", "bottom", etc.) - do all you can to come up with other ways of saying things than repeating words: in poetry every word counts for or against the poem, the greatest poets can say a lot with very little and never reuse words!

[crow]

proofers edit--

I am not a poet.
I lack the substance upon which to write.
I do not carry a messenger bag,
brimmed with spontaneity and colors.
However, i dare not let my arm rest, for it will
crush what i lack.
Under my arm hangs an absence,
a lack of substance.
I pull file folders
with no labels and no contents
and pull out of a bag that has no bottom,
bottomless.
Why should it have a bottom
with nothing to fall to it?
The grey file folders
have no rectitude, no vice.
They leave me
in the same position they were pulled from:
bottomless.
They leave, leaving nothing to speak about
but much to be spoken.

[ChristopherSea]

Your poem is too circuitous and certainly lacks substance. The syntax is odd and it essentially says:

'I am not a poet'
'I lack the substance'
'but much to be spoken'

However, these three lines are not substantial enough for even a Senryu. You may be striving for a meta-poem,
but it is not working. I would recommend finding something significant first, then build a core metaphor to present it
and post your poem in the Novice Forum.

Good Luck/Chris

[Leah S.]

I am not a poet.
I lack the substance upon which to write. Usually that's paper.
I do not carry a messenger bag,
brimmed with spontaneity and colors. Do you think 'brimming' would fit the tense better? "Brimmed" should have "that" in front of it.
However, i dare not let my arm rest, for it will
crush what i lack. I didn't get this until I read the following sentence.
Under my arm hangs an absence,
a lack of substance. These two lines are the best lines, but they would fit much better if they appeared before the preceding two lines. That would also allow you to get rid of "However."

I pull file folders
with no labels and no contents
and pull out of a bag that has no bottom,
bottomless. Syntax be all messed up. I believe you could fix it by eliminating "and pull" altogether in L3. Unless you really did mean that you were pulling the bottomless out.
Why should it have a bottom
with nothing to fall to it?
The grey file folders
have no rectitude ,no vice.
They leave me
in the same position they were pulled from:
bottomless. Wait.....what? Bottomless is not a position, it is a condition.
They leave, leaving nothing to speak about, How do those grey file folders perambulate? In trying to figure that out, I had a flashback to Mickey as the Sorcerer's Apprentice.
but much to be spoken. My conclusion is that there is no valid subject for this poem, but the narrator insists on maniacally gabbling anyway.

Sorry, but I think you should start over. Carry on, Leah

[ellajam]

Hi, welcome to The Pig Pen. It's taken me quite a few reads to not be stopped at the repeated words and phrases, but I've come to enjoy the back and forth motion. Maybe I had to get my sea legs.

It's a difficult subject but I think the poem has that hollow feel matching the "not a poet".  Here are some notes.

I am not a poet.
I lack the substance upon which to write. So sad to be at that point.
I do not carry a messenger bag,
brimmed with spontaneity and colors. Clear, enjoyable image.
However, i dare not let my arm rest, for it will
crush what i lack. This interests me, it's like a ghost limb.
Under my arm hangs an absence,
a lack of substance. I'm not sure you need these two lines, you've just said it.
I pull file folders
with no labels and no contents The uselessness of the action is interesting, again a clear image.
and pull out of a bag that has no bottom,
bottomless.
Why should it have a bottom
with nothing to fall to it? These lines about the nothing into nothing, I'm on the fence about.
The grey file folders
have no rectitude ,no vice. I like this line, no blame for the empty. Fix the typo.
They leave me
in the same position they were pulled from:
bottomless.
They leave, leaving nothing to speak about,
but much to be spoken. Very clean ending.

I feel like the poem might have been written just to use those last lines, they have a different tone than the rest. I hope with some time  I'll know a little more about where I stand with this one, and hope these notes might give you an idea of my read. It's not an easy one.