stAge Fright Edit 2.0 Thanks to all who helped.

[tectak]

Say what you wish, now we're alone
inside our common dread;
I will not speak or criticise.
The time we squeeze
between warm palms
must not slip free to run like sand
through clapping hands,
still hot with praise
and swollen red.
I say so little anymore,
of consequence or worth.
Since youth bowed out
--exit stage left--
and credence left on cue,
this play has gone
from bad to worse.

tectak
2012

[billy]

hi tom, i don't think i saw the original.

the first two lines seem weak and i question if they're needed at all. for me the third line feels like it should start the poem

Say what you wish, now we're alone
inside our common dread;
I will not speak or criticise.
The time we squeeze
between warm palms i like lines 3,4, and 5, it gives an image of a relationship in the twilight of life. 
must not slip free to run like sand is [like sand] needed? a suggestion would be [must not slip; free to run]
through clapping hands, this with the above create another good image of squandering what we have and how precious time is
still hot with praise
and swollen red. this feels like it's about the penis, (said with a straight face)
I say so little anymore,
of consequence or worth.
Since youth bowed out
--exit stage left-- cliche
and credence left on cue,
this play has gone these last to lines feel forced for me the preceding line works as a well enough end [the last line being out and out cliche]
from bad to worse.

tectak
2012

[Leah S.]

Yes, this edit tightens things up.
In answer to your question in the other thread, I am nearly 60.
I read the 'credence' line as referring to the narrator's credence, and took it to mean that he no longer believes in much of anything, his capacity to suspend disbelief having departed with his youth.
Regarding hourglasses, the only relationship that 'time' has to 'sand' (as far as I know) is in that antiquated device, or some other old-fangled sand-clock. We do still use them as egg timers, though.
I read this version as saying that 'we' dare not let go our hands to start clapping, for fear that will signal the end of the play. Hope that's right.
About the last two lines....I think you need to add something that gives us your motivation for sticking it out to the end of the worsening play...and helps the reader empathize instead of hearing it as a typical complaint (whine) about getting old.
Best, Leah

[Grace]

Say what you wish, now we're alone
inside our common dread;
I will not speak or criticise.
The time we squeeze
between warm palms
must not slip free to run like sand
through clapping hands,
still hot with praise
and swollen red.
I say so little anymore,
of consequence or worth.
Since youth bowed out
--exit stage left--
and credence left on cue,
this play has gone
from bad to worse.

tectak
2012

I think this edit is good. I like the image of holding time in a handshake in fear of it slipping free "to run like sand". The line "inside our common dread" draws the reader to connect with the title, so I think works well. Grace.

[tectak]

hi tom, i don't think i saw the original.

the first two lines seem weak and i question if they're needed at all. for me the third line feels like it should start the poem

Say what you wish, now we're alone
inside our common dread;
I will not speak or criticise.
The time we squeeze
between warm palms i like lines 3,4, and 5, it gives an image of a relationship in the twilight of life. 
must not slip free to run like sand is [like sand] needed? a suggestion would be [must not slip; free to run]
through clapping hands, this with the above create another good image of squandering what we have and how precious time is
still hot with praise
and swollen red. this feels like it's about the penis, (said with a straight face)
I say so little anymore,
of consequence or worth.
Since youth bowed out
--exit stage left-- cliche
and credence left on cue,
this play has gone these last to lines feel forced for me the preceding line works as a well enough end [the last line being out and out cliche]
from bad to worse.

tectak
2012

Hi billy,
Yes...it is the old me again, with my alegorically alluding stuff. This began way back after reading "all the world's a stage....". I guess it just struck my muse a glancing blow. Once I recovered I found that I was sixty something and it all came back. The idea of two people in a long play, each appreciative of the other, sometimes one is acting sometimes the other....and afterwards, in a quiet room, each critiques the other's performance. This was a powerful and relevent incentive to write the piece....especially as the play is on an extended run....the same performance over and over. Anyone still listening?
The last line. See my earlier comments on "cliches". I hate'em BUT find them hard to define. There are so many "expressions"-- and this is the crux -- which a given "character" may well use, that it is unwise NOT to use the words JUST because of vernacular populism. Note that I said "expressions". I am of a mind to seperate cliches "as would be used" by a "character", from cliches "as used by the writer" .
Character cliches would include hello, goodbye, how are you,how are things etc. as well as the more telling "expressions" like go to hell, take a hike, I love you. In other words, avoidance is futile!
You are still right...it's all about a penis.
Best and thanks,
Tom

---

Say what you wish, now we're alone
inside our common dread;
I will not speak or criticise.
The time we squeeze
between warm palms
must not slip free to run like sand
through clapping hands,
still hot with praise
and swollen red.
I say so little anymore,
of consequence or worth.
Since youth bowed out
--exit stage left--
and credence left on cue,
this play has gone
from bad to worse.

tectak
2012

I think this edit is good. I like the image of holding time in a handshake in fear of it  slipping free "to run like sand". The line "inside our common dread" draws the reader to connect with the title, so I think works well. Grace.

Thanks grace,
You interpret well....I don't disagree with your thinking. It may not be how I saw it, but I may have seen it wrongly....this happens. Just because the writer is trying to explain a "situation" one way does not...ever...mean that it is the only way
Best,
tectak

[Leah S.]

Say what you wish, now we're alone
inside our common dread;
I will not speak or criticise.
The time we squeeze
between warm palms
must not slip free to run like sand
through clapping hands,
still hot with praise
and swollen red.
I say so little anymore,
of consequence or worth.
Since youth bowed out
--exit stage left--
and credence left on cue,
this play has gone
from bad to worse.

tectak
2012

You're welcome. Looks good. Carry on.