Professor

[SimikPK]

So, finally an attempt for a meaningful one from me.

In his compulsory
Social Anthropology I.
most of the talking
wasn't done by him.

He made me review my chapter
of the team research paper.
Irrelevant examples,
he said, but I liked your argument.

Next term he asked me and Demas
to present our "Role Dynamics"
to the freshmen.

Scoring B and C
in facultative Social Anthropology II.,
the three of us went for a beer.

[Brownlie]

Ok, so this poem deserves some feedback. Unfortunately,  I'm not the best one to do it.

So, finally an attempt for a meaningful one from me.

In his compulsory
Social Anthropology I.
most of the talking
wasn't done by him. -- I don't know anything about social Anthropology, but ending the line with "him" seems significant.

He made me review my chapter
of the team research paper.
Irrelevant examples,
he said, but I liked your argument.

Next term he asked me and Demas
to present our "Role Dynamics" -- Maybe italicize this and quote "Irrelevant examples," though you may want to check a style guide. 
to the freshmen.

Scoring B and C
in facultative Social Anthropology II.,
the three of us went for a beer.

I don't understand this at all, but that may be because I don't know anything about role dynamics or social anthropology. I suppose the beer part has some sort of meaning that correlates to social anthropology, or it demonstrates something about the Professor. It is quite matter of fact, but I'm really hesitant to give you advice. However, I think there should be some discussion here. 

[just mercedes]

Brownlie has made me feel remiss. So here are a few comments on your poem. I had hesitated to comment because I didn't feel I knew enough about the subject.


So, finally an attempt for a meaningful one from me.

In his compulsory
Social Anthropology I. why this period after I?
most of the talking
wasn't done by him. 'wasn't done by' is a passive and rather clunky construction. Making it active would liven it up - 'someone else did all the talking' or something like that.


He made me review my chapter
of the team research paper.
Irrelevant examples,
he said, but I liked your argument. I like to see direct speech in quotes

Next term he asked me and Demas I wonder why you named Demas but not the prof.
to present our "Role Dynamics" If this is a title, and you've used quotation marks for direct speech, you could italicize this.
to the freshmen.

Scoring B and C
in facultative Social Anthropology II., WTF is facultative Social Anthropology? I've only ever seen the word used in biology. I'm not sure how your system works, but scoring B and C seems to mean  there were two of you, yet three went for a drink - I think you need to rewrite this stanza
the three of us went for a beer. You all shared one beer?

There's a dearth of poetic devices in your poem. It reads rather drily.

[SimikPK]

Thankx for input guys, I see that i failed to make my point in the poem. As to facultative, maybe "elective" would work better. The point was that the SA 1 was obligatory/mandatory, but the students came to like the professor despite/or because he made THEM talk and critcized their work,  and therefore went for Social Anthropology 2 even if they didn´t have to. At the end, the speaker, Demas and the professor went for a beer - means that they got close with the professor, which was basically the point. Sounds obvious in my head, but obviously not in the poem

As to Anthropology, there are at least two ways of unterstanding this. One may be purely biological - how human works, what it is made of etc, but if you go for the original meanig it is bascially human studies or something like that, and In some case it includes things like culture studies, social studies, basically how human society or different models of it work...or than in more specific focus area how humans realte to /behave in certain context, like Anthropology of Religion... you get the idea.

As I see it, move it to mild or novice.

Suggestions?

[billy]

i think it's good enough for serious. some comments, not too many poetic devices and for me verges on being prose. i did enjoy the narrative and the originality of it. if i were to suggest anything it would be to stick a couple of simile or metaphor in there, or use some assonance, alliteration, or consonance in the odd place. the good thing about the poem is that you show a lot with such a short poem. i enjoyed it.

So, finally an attempt for a meaningful one from me.
In his compulsory
Social Anthropology I. while roman numerals work in white papers and on chapter headings, they seldom work in lines of poetry. [one] would have been less ambiguous.
most of the talking
wasn't done by him. the students should perhaps pay more attention. i like that early on the class is shown to not really bother with the class.
He made me review my chapter you have a good chance to play with the enjambment in this line
of the team research paper.
Irrelevant examples,
he said, but I liked your argument.

He made me
review my chapter
of the team research paper.
Irrelevant examples,
he said, but I liked your argument.

Next term he asked me and Demas would [the following term] work better or something else?
to present our "Role Dynamics"
to the freshmen.
Scoring B and C
in facultative Social Anthropology II., II works but becaUse [I] doesn't unless it's a header, i'd suggest use two or 2
the three of us went for a beer. this is the line that shows the friendship between prof and students.

[SimikPK]

Thanks billy, thankx all. I will wait if anyone else gives a critique and than shall edit. As to the class line, I didn´t want to show that the students weretnt paying attention, right the opposite. It was supposed to mean that he made them actively participate so they talked actually more than him. This is prolly how ambiguity works.

[crow]

SimikPK,

The name, "Demas," is intensely problematic. I was ready to dig in and play with the idea of Jesus as a Social Anthropologist, but your response to crit seems to foreclose this. Here's the Wikipedia quote:

"Demas, mentioned by the Apostle Paul in the New Testament of the Bible, appears to have been a man involved in the ministry as a companion of Paul,[Colossians 4:14][Philemon 1:24][1] and has been described as 'one of the most intriguing biblical bit players.' [2]"

If you want the allusion, shore it up a bit more. Otw, change the name. As I've said, handle names in poetry as you would uranium in a teacup: very carefully.

crow

[tomoffing]

So, finally an attempt for a meaningful one from me.

In his compulsory
Social Anthropology I. "the roman numeral doesnt click until second or third reading. It jars. a 1 would suffice I think."
most of the talking
wasn't done by him. this sentence implies the professor was passive in the conversation, as opposed to being the instigator of the group based discussion, which i think is closer to your intended meaning?? if that's the case, consider reworking to illuminate that. 

He made me review my chapter this line is an opportunity to develop the professor's character. Give me more than "made", did he encourage or force or inspire perhaps? Something more engaged.
of the team research paper.
Irrelevant examples,
he said, but I liked your argument.

Next term he asked me and Demas sorry but i dont understand the role of Demas at all. As mentioned in more detail further below.
to present our "Role Dynamics" i think italics, not quotations, here.
to the freshmen. I do like the subtle temporal shift to a year later, if thats what im reading.

Scoring B and C
in facultative Social Anthropology II., this numeral works, but obviously not if you have to shift the above.
the three of us went for a beer. this reads a little lazy.

This is quite matter of fact, and could do with some refinement.

That said, I really think the overall device has promise.

The use of a class in social anthropology as a metaphor for wider human social interaction and/or personal social development within that university setting is interesting to me. Particularly how the dynamics of that class could engender the shift from "compulsory" to "elective". For me, that is reflective of both the self-reinforcing/cyclical nature of human social development and the increase in social exposure at the personal level at that stage in one's life.
The subsequent shift the "we had a beer" further expands both of those narratives as it includes an intergenerational element (if i assume the professor would be your senior)..

As I said, i think you need to include a little more poetic craft.
Two specific aspects that I believe would benefit; 
The professor should be a more developed character for me. They are central to the piece and somewhat anonymous in the present version.  
Secondly, the inclusion of "Demas" really stands out, and from the limited background investigation ive done, I cannot reconcile their role in the piece. I'd like to see that developed, or eliminated.


Thanks for posting, I really enjoyed this, think it has great potential and will keep an eye out for any rewrites/edits.

t