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Haiku #2

Haiku #2
alatos Offline
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#1
09-12-2014, 10:25 PM
The grass sprays
katydids 
as I grumble along. 
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billy Offline
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#2
09-12-2014, 10:42 PM
i'd forgo the as.

i have no idea what katydids are but they sound like cat tits Blush
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alatos Offline
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#3
09-13-2014, 02:53 AM
(09-12-2014, 10:42 PM)billy Wrote:  i'd forgo the as.

i have no idea what katydids are but they sound like cat tits Blush

[Image: Katydid_8090744.jpg]
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Erthona Offline
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#4
09-13-2014, 05:37 AM
I think I would format it like this for better clarity.

"The grass
sprays katydids:
I grumble along." 



dale 
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?

The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
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Tamara Offline
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#5
09-19-2014, 09:20 AM
(09-12-2014, 10:25 PM)alatos Wrote:  The grass sprays
katydids 
as I grumble along. 

Erthona's suggestion is perfect and makes it an excellent haiku. I would do away with the upper case though. Haiku, I thought was meant to be written in lower case. That is what I have seen. Not sure though.
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