Wine Maidens

[ChristopherSea]

final (for now)

Wine Maidens

I fervently await
this season's autumn crush,
to reap the fine harvest
of these inviting sprites.
My maidens of the vineyard
craft a piquant blush.

When their clothes are shed,
pulses quicken underbrush.
Thigh high in Pinot Noir,
they dance to my delight.
I find myself impassioned
by their autumn crush.

Mauve illumes their derrieres,
summoning a rush
of blood to my loins,
as they tread the pulp of light.
These ladies of the vine
compose a thrilling blush.

They glow in the sunlight,
effuse a rosy flush,
but their enthralling stomp
will march into the night.
I’ll readily consume
their viticulture’s crush.

On a maplewood dance floor,
their breasts gently brush
as they press the rare juices,
their blithe gestures excite.
My vineyard lasses decant
an enticing blush.

Their cellars are superb,
the inventory lush.
By way of their charm and craft,
my ardor ignites. I eagerly await
their superb autumn crush.
These maidens of the vine
create a tempting blush.


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QDS/TtL edit 1 Thank you

Wine Maidens

I fervently await
this season's autumn crush
and reap the fine harvest
of these inviting sprites.
My maidens of the vineyard
craft a piquant blush.

When their clothes are shed,
pulses quicken underbrush.
Thigh high in Pinot Noir,
they dance to my delight.
I find myself impassioned
by their autumn crush.

Mauve illumes their derrieres,
summoning a rush
of blood to my loins,
as they tread the pulp of light.
These ladies of the vine
compose a thrilling blush.

They glow in the sunlight,
effuse a rosy flush,
but their enthralling stomp
will march into the night.
I’ll readily consume
their viticulture’s crush.

On a maplewood dance floor,
their breasts gently brush
as they press the rare juices,
their blithe gestures excite.
My vineyard lasses decant
an enticing blush.

Their cellars are superb,
the inventory lush.
By way of their charm and craft,
my ardor ignites. I eagerly await
their superb autumn crush.
These maidens of the vine
create a tempting blush.

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Wine Maidens

I fervently await
their superb autumn crush
and reap the fine harvest
of these inviting sprites.
My maidens of the vineyard
craft a piquant blush.

When their clothes are shed,
pulses quicken underbrush.
Thigh high in Pinot Noir,
they dance to my delight.
I find myself impassioned
by their autumn crush.

Mauve adorns their derrieres,
summoning a rush
of blood to my loins,
as they tread the pulp of light.
These ladies of the vine
compose a thrilling blush.

They glow in the sunlight,
effuse a rosy flush,
but their enthralling stomp
will march into the night.
I’ll readily consume
their viticulture’s crush.

On the grape-stained oak dance floor,
their breasts gently brush
as they press the rare juices,
their blithe gestures excite.
My vineyard lasses decant
an enticing blush.

Their cellars are top-shelf,
the inventory lush.
By way of their charm and craft,
my ardor ignites. I eagerly await
their superb autumn crush.
These maidens of the vine
create a tempting blush.

[QDeathstar]

I cant really point to any one part of the poem that needs work or has an error, stanza by stanza it is a good read, and i like a lot of the sounds coming from the poem; "effuse a rosy flush, but their enthralling stomp" being my favorite set of lines.

I just find the poem a bit wordy, superb autumn crush, for example, is strange to me.

Lastly, when i think "women (maidens are women) making whine", i think old women with big crusty feet stomping juice from grapes left inside large wooden barrels... not milfs (maidens, in this case)

[Tiger the Lion]

Hi Chris, I really enjoyed this. If anything I would say that "I got it" in less than 6 stanzas. Even if I enjoy each equally, it feels like there is only room for 4 or 5.

Wine Maidens

I fervently await "fervently" made me think of ferment.
their superb autumn crush
and reap the fine harvest
of these inviting sprites.
My maidens of the vineyard
craft a piquant blush.

When their clothes are shed,
pulses quicken underbrush. very well crafted line IMO.
Thigh high in Pinot Noir, another great line - sexy, abrupt and dark - well done
they dance to my delight.
I find myself impassioned
by their autumn crush.

Mauve adorns their derrieres, I don't like the 2nd use of french here. Together with "adorns" - cheapens the poem for me
summoning a rush
of blood to my loins,
as they tread the pulp of light.
These ladies of the vine
compose a thrilling blush.

They glow in the sunlight,
effuse a rosy flush,
but their enthralling stomp
will march into the night.
I’ll readily consume
their viticulture’s crush.

On the grape-stained oak dance floor, This line seems a little long. I can't really see how to trim it. But I would if I could.
their breasts gently brush
as they press the rare juices,
their blithe gestures excite. I like that blithe excites.
My vineyard lasses decant
an enticing blush.

Their cellars are top-shelf, I'm on the fence about "top shelf" But it might depend on the exact mood you intended.
the inventory lush.
By way of their charm and craft,
my ardor ignites. I eagerly await
their superb autumn crush.
These maidens of the vine
create a tempting blush.

Hope some of that is helpful. Very enjoyable to read. Thanks for sharing,

[ChristopherSea]

Thanks so much for your time and comments QDS. The repeats of the villanelle could certainly make the poetry form
come off as wordy. In this particular one, I did try to vary the repeats, but I’ll see if I can re-word that particular line.

If you saw ‘old maids’ watching these naked nubile gals, you may need testosterone therapy. The word maiden
should imply a young unmarried woman, even a virgin. Even as an adjective, the word maiden denotes first or untouched.

This was sort of a fantasy of mine in watching my wife and a friend of hers treading grapes in the nude
after seeing this add: 'We are a facility where you come and hand craft your own wine with the 'crush club'
and then about a week later, you return to press the grapes.'

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Most appreciative of the critique TtL. Perhaps ‘adorns’ is the wrong term.

I felt that the French words fit the wine theme and it is hard to find a poetic term for 'ass' (_i_) as well.

‘On the grape-stained oak dance floor’ does seem like a mouthful’. I had trouble with that line as well, but I will take another look at it.

You do have me thinking that ‘top-shelf’ is not in the vein of the poem. I am sure I can find a better word or phrase.
I might steal 'superb' form Line 2 and replace that with something else. It would satisfy both critiques by doing so.

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Thanks again for the feedback folks!/Chris

[ChristopherSea]

I took your critiques to heart, new edit posted. Thanks