Scenery of Solitude

[Bunx]

Scenery of Solitude

Walking slowly on an over grown trail,
the path below me degrades.
I stop my foot steps and notice a gale
blowing my shirt in the shade.

Beneath the pine I ponder.
Where will the wind take me next?
Will I make it to the summit further,
or a valley under the mountains crest?

Looking around I notice the path.
Hiding amongst a grove of trees,
like the chapel doors to mass.
It will bring me to my knees.

A breath with each step I notice
a peaceful calm stirring inside.

When I get to the peak I realize.
What I climbed so high to see,
an image of myself I fantasize.
The scenery of solitude encompassing me.

[milo]

Scenery of Solitude

Walking slowly up a over grown trail,
the path below me degrades.

paths that walk? Hope they don't walk away and leave you there stranded alone.

[Tiger the Lion]

Scenery of Solitude

Walking slowly up a over grown trail, an
the path below me degrades.
I stop my foot steps and notice a gale is a gale ever unnoticeable?
blowing my shirt in the shade.

Beneath the pine I ponder. not a fan of "ponder"
Where will the wind take me next?
Will I make it to the summit further,
or a valley under a mountains crest?

Looking around I notice the path. more noticing
Hiding amongst a grove of trees,
like the chapel doors to mass.
It will bring me to my knees.

A breath with each step I notice
a peaceful calm stirring inside.

When I get to the peak I realize.
What I climbed so high to see,
an image of myself I fantasize.
The scenery of solitude encompassing me.

I think the story is good. I'm not sure why some words are uppercase after a comma and some aren't. Probably the word notice was the distraction, for me. I know the narrator noticed these things, that's why they're describing them.

[faithlovedance22]

I think that "I stop my foot steps" is a bit long. In the third stanza, I'm not so sure about all of those periods; some could be made to commas. I love the story though