(06-16-2014, 11:46 AM)Brownlie Wrote: I assume this was meant to be facetious. So I think you should include one of those talking fish in there somewhere, and maybe a cheerful line about waltzing. Possibly a happy snowman made of cement to.
Patricide is painless, it brings on many changes...
It's facetious to the extent that racism is whimsical and bride-burning is amusing.
In this context the talking fish would be reciting Mein Kampf and the happy snowman's
cement would contain ashes from Auschwitz*.
*Ah those Nazis! While the soles of their hobnailed boots have pretty much worn out,
those facetious fascists are still good for a metaphor for evil or two.
(06-16-2014, 11:56 AM)billy Wrote: you make it feel personal whether it is or isn't i like the drip from the ceiling stanza as it was the crux of the poem but what else i really like was not noticing the lack of punctuation. okay you had a wavy - but i didn't count that. excellent, i wish all those who write without punctuation read this poem first in order to see how well it can be done.
It was written in the voice of my cousin Judy-Ann. Her father and the men
from that side of her family are the ones depicted. (My dad, by the way,
was a good trade-unionist liberal who participated in the voter registration
drives of the 50's. Got his windows shot out and all!)
Aw, thanks for the punctuation compliment.
When people say "without punctuation", they usually mean "without punctuation marks".
The poem above is punctuated; it just uses word rhythm, thematic shifts,
line breaks, and blank lines for punctuation instead of those itty-bitty marks.
