Doll Parts
#1
Juan and Carter were sitting on the couch that used to sit out behind the store. The store had been turned into low price apartments and Juan was renting a room there now.
They were watching Puppet Master 4 When Bad Puppets Turn Good, or something like that. Carter was a girl; they had girls named that around these parts. She kept laughing at the ancient egyptian demon thing that was talking, she thought it looked so fake, and that was hilarious to her.
"What?" Juan said. He was getting annoyed.
"It's so funny!!!" she said.
"Why, have you ever seen an egyptian demon?"
"No."
"Then how do you know he wouldn't look just like that? Maybe they look like clay or paper or whatever."
"Whatever," Carter said, and she kept laughing at it till the next scene came up.
The DVD started skipping, then it got stuck. Juan was about to get up but then it started playing again, though it had gone back to the scene that had just played. The demon was talking again, and Carter started laughing.
Juan sat back on the couch and sucked his lips in like he did when he was nervous. He took her laughter as an affront to him. She sighed real long and loud like women do after they've had a good laugh. This time the next scene was working.
"I'm hungry. Are you?" she asked him.
"I guess I can go get you something from the kitchen, what you think you might want?"
"Ah don't worry about it. I'll get something on my way home."
He didn't think that sounded good. "Well you said you wanted something. I can just go in the kitchen and find you something," he said.
"Ah just don't worry about it. Just chill. Just chill."
Juan felt embarrassed.

Later that night, when Carter was gone, Juan sat up in bed thinking about what he'd done wrong. This was the third time he'd had her over, and every time she'd left right after the movie. While the credits were playing. Everybody else in the building was asleep; he could tell because things were quiet. They made so much noise when they were up. All the time they were loud, night and day. But now they seemed to be asleep, and Juan thought about Carter.
He'd met her at school. In college; the community college they'd both briefly attended after high school. They'd been friendly since the time they met in the student center and he'd had the guts to ask for her number. They didn't have any classes together, but he saw her around the place, and he was on a prescription for something or another that lowered his inhibitions the first few times he took some.
They met at Burger King a few years later. He'd never had the guts to call her; this time she asked for his number, since he had a cellphone now. She called him.
She set up their first date too. They ate at one of the chinese places in town. After that she felt comfortable enough to come see him at his room. She'd been over three nights and watched three movies with him. She told him she'd been to the building before a few times when it was a store, she remembered it. They were hitting it off fine. But Juan was worried he might be doing something wrong.

Though he didn't hear anyone up and about in their small rooms, there were two people awake. They were doing their best to stay quiet behind the thin wooden walls that barely reached the ceiling between each room of occupants. In whispering voices, some that didn't even make it out of their mouths, they made their toys talk; they were playing with dolls. They'd heard the movie Juan and Carter had been watching. It was strange, they told each other. A movie about dolls, while they were in the next room playing with dolls. It was a twenty year old man and a seventeen year old girl. They were in love and had been living together in low income houses for about a year and a half. Though they loved each other, they didn't believe in sex before marriage. He was waiting for her to turn eighteen so they could get married. Nothing about their situation had them feeling ashamed, not even playing with dolls. It was something they enjoyed—together.

Juan sent Carter a text when he got up at eight asking if she wanted to come by that evening. A little after eleven she sent a reply saying she'd love to. He had a box under his bed with a Super Nintendo in it, and he had dreamt that they were playing Robocop Versus Terminator. If he wasn't mistaken, he still had that game. As soon as he got home from work that afternoon he hooked the Nintendo up and started playing it. Later he heard the guy from next door out in the tiny space they had to use as a hallway and on a whim went out and asked him if he had a memory card for the SNES. Amazingly, he said he did. It was strange though, because as he stood waiting for the guy to bring it out to him he remembered that the Super Nintendo didn't use memory cards.

Carter stayed later that night. She was obsessed with getting past Level 3.
"My brother had this one when we were little," she said. "Wow, I think I remember all this!"
"Did he have a memory card for it?" he asked.
"What's that?" she asked. "You mean like where you can save the game you're playing?"
"Yeah," he said.
They played the game until around one, then she said she had to go home, she was tired. Juan was tired too, and when she left he turned off the game and went to sit on his bed and think about what he would do next so she would stay interested.
In the next room over, the guy sat with the little dog between his fingers, they were playing Monopoly that night.
"You know," he said, "I think he was talking about the Game Cube. That's why I couldn't find the thing nowhere. They don't have them for what he was talking about."
"Oh," the girl said.
The game lasted until six in the morning and they stopped when they got too tired to play.
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#2
Nice slice, it rang true for me. Thanks for the read. Smile
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#3
It's an good story. I read the whole thing. I thought they were gonna get it on at the end. Poor Juan.
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#4
I broke it up into stanzas instead of paragraphs. It's not a prose poem, almost a short story. Not verse. Maybe it's a loser form, for a guy like Juan. Though you can't call him a loser yet. I wanted to give Juan his own awkward form to work within. Because some of us need something like that.
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#5
Hi Rowens: to me this reads like a good short story; that being said
we know that prose can have the sense of poetry. You wanted to show Juan as he was at that moment; but you could continue and bring out a personality. Thanks for the read. Loretta
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#6
I said it's only almost a short story because I didn't go at it as a short story. I didn't approach it that way anyway.
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#7
I read this a couple days ago and it has stuck in my mind as clearly as if it were something I saw on TV. That's a good thing. It's an awkward and unfulfilling story, but it has a draw to it. I don't think it should be longer, that might ruin the effect. And you rarely change anything (or at least don't post edits) so I guess that's for the best.

-jc
_______________________________________
The howling beast is back.
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#8
This is like a slice of the world, shown but not explained, and I like it. Could form part of a longer story, but I like the unconnected-ness of it. Very 21st century.
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#9
Best line. "behind the thin wooden walls that barely reached the ceiling between each room of occupants" Hysterical

That's Juan in a million.


Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?

The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
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#10
I'm ready for chapter two
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#11
I read this like a short story the first time, more like a poem after re-reading. Great story many can relate to, told in a unique way. If anything, I felt myself wanting more description, I Juana know what the apartment smelled like. I Juana know if the floors creaked.
Great read, thanks.
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#12
I wanted to write something short to post. Everything else I've written lately is between thirty and eighty some pages.
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