Swallow

[Tiger the Lion]

Swallow

Tough meat,
but I've learned nothing yet,
if I don't tenderize it,
and make it food for joy.

If I am Solomon enough,
to suffer its taste in my mouth,
and learn to swallow this last bite:

that nourishment is not always palatable,

I will stay hunger,
and not thirst.

[LorettaYoung]

Swallow

Tough meat,
but I've learned nothing yet,
if I don't tenderize it,
and make it food for joy.

If I am Solomon enough,
to suffer its taste in my mouth,
and learn to swallow this last bite:

that nourishment is not always palatable,

I will stay hunger,
and not thirst.

---

Hi Tiger: I love the way you play off food for joy or palate; even more interesting that it's brought together in that you will not stay thirst. "If I am Solomon enough": so much said in that; in the whole so simply; but not simple at all. Great read, Loretta

[Tiger the Lion]

Thanks Loretta. Just sent you a PM that is redundant now.

[QDeathstar]

Swallow

Tough meat,
but I've learned nothing yet,
if I don't tenderize it,
and make it food for joy.

If I am Solomon enough,
to suffer its taste in my mouth,
and learn to swallow this last bite:

that nourishment is not always palatable,

I will stay hunger,
and not thirst.

Overall, I like what you've done here. But there are two things that jump out as a bit awkward for me.

"And make it food for joy"... I think that joy i a poor word choice, especially when you consider you talk about nourishment despite not being palatable... Im thinking of a word like growth or enrichment... Something besides the base feeling joy.


Secondly, the last stanza, you stay hunger but not thirst? Why are you bringing up thirst. I think it's me missing something, here, though.



Thanks for the read.

---

...learn to swallow this last bite: that nourishment is not always palatable, I will stay hunger, and not thirst.

I can't make sense of the the last part of the sentence (after the comma) in relation to the first part.....

[Tiger the Lion]

Thanks QDS for reading and commenting. I chose "joy" purposefully because I thought of it as a pinnacle, though I agree that enrichment, or growth might be tighter to the subject, I want joy to be the goal. You are right about the last stanza. It somehow morphed into a bit of a riddle with the introduction of "thirst". I think the ending could be strong with the right tweak. Appreciate your comments, thanks.

[LorettaYoung]

Swallow

Tough meat,
but I've learned nothing yet,
if I don't tenderize it,
and make it food for joy.

If I am Solomon enough,
to suffer its taste in my mouth,
and learn to swallow this last bite:

that nourishment is not always palatable,

I will stay hunger,
and not thirst.

Overall, I like what you've done here. But there are two things that jump out as a bit awkward for me.

"And make it food for joy"... I think that joy i a poor word choice, especially when you consider you talk about nourishment despite not being palatable... Im thinking of a word like growth or enrichment... Something besides the base feeling joy.


Secondly, the last stanza, you stay hunger but not thirst? Why are you bringing up thirst. I think it's me missing something, here, though.



Thanks for the read.

---

...learn to swallow this last bite: that nourishment is not always palatable, I will stay hunger, and not thirst.

I can't make sense of the the last part of the sentence (after the comma) in relation to the first part.....

---

Tiger: to me the thirst that remains is the intellectual message; along with Solomon, Best, Loretta.

[Erthona]

Paul,

"if I don't tenderize it,
to make it food of joy."

"I will stay hunger,
and not thirst." I agree this is a non-sequitur.

The penultimate line should be the last line.

"that nourishment is not palatable,
so I will stay hunger!"



Dale

[Tiger the Lion]

Thanks Dale. "to make it food..." is an interesting tweak. Thanks.
This last line is indeed a non sequitur of a sort. It was an intentional device, if not successful. Almost like the last line of a Haiku.
Still chewing on this one.
Appreciated, Paul

[jakesalive86]

I like the "archaic" use of stay in the penultimate line. It invokes an opposite meaning upon uncareful reading. The nominal after gives the sly clue and encourages a reread.

[Tiger the Lion]

Thank you Jake. I am guilty of uncareful reading myself, too often. So I appreciate your reading and commenting thoughtfully. - Paul