Unintended Suicide
#1
Such a Mean Old Man

He died in his house at 112 years old
because he would not turn on the air conditioner.
He was on a fixed income and had to decide between
the overpriced medicine the doctor told him
he must take to stay alive and his electric bill
which was nearly a third of his income.
Unfortunately he did not have
an anti-roasting pill.
Some say he was a mean old man,
especially after his wife died.
He couldn’t afford his anti-depression medicine
because Medicare quit covering it.
People said, being so mean
he should have died at a reasonable age,
in lieu of that he should have
turned on the air conditioner;
at least he would have had
a taste of coolness before he died.
Most of the good people who lived around him
figured where he was going
he would never be cool again.


–Erthona


©2014
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?

The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
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#2
(06-10-2014, 02:00 PM)Erthona Wrote:  Such a Mean Old Man

He died in his house at 112 years old
because he would not turn on the air conditioner.
He was on a fixed income and had to decide between
the overpriced medicine the doctor told him
he must take to stay alive and his electric bill
which was nearly a third of his income.
Unfortunately he did not have
an anti-roasting pill.
Some say he was a mean old man, -- I think a comma after say. Also, keep in mind the ramifications of the word "some" that groups people in a vague category.
especially after his wife died.
He couldn’t afford his anti-depression medicine
because Medicare quit covering it.
People said, being so mean
he should have died at a reasonable age,
in lieu of that he should have
turned on the air conditioner;
at least he would have had
a taste of coolness before he died.
Most of the good people who lived around him
figured where he was going
he would never be cool again.


–Erthona


©2014

Oh Boy, I do like where you're going with this, apparently some people said those comparisons to lamps made of Jewish skin were a bit overdramatic. However, this poem just seems pissed off, and I love that.
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#3
I guess he's lucky to make it to 112 - he didn't freeze to death in the winter because he couldn't afford heating. These really are horror stories. Maybe we shouldn't live in other than temperate zones when we get old.

You don't think much of his neighbours, either.I do like your poem, and I think you can cut words from it to further tighten your voice. Is it anger or accusation? You make me feel guilty anyway, and I didn't know him.
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#4
Brownlie,

Thanks for your comments. I understand what you are saying. "Some" was intentionally as I did want it to be vague. I meant to imply that this was like "His neighbors said that some people..." Yet, maybe a poor choice. I'll let it sit for a while and then come back to it, see if I read it more objectively, I think I might.

mercedes,

Where this guy was at, it did not get very cold in the winter. Most days it never got below freezing. A similar event happened that I was personally aware of. A friend of mine was a realtor, and showed me a house he was getting ready to sell. I won't go into detail, but I didn't stay long, it just felt creepy. While we were standing on the porch he said that the old woman who had lived there had died of heat exhaustion. She had plenty of money but refused to use the A/C, and so died. I think she was still there. She left over half a million dollars behind when she died. You either see her as stingy, or as a product of her times. Her age would suggest she lived through the Great Depression.

Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?

The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
Reply
#5
(06-10-2014, 02:00 PM)Erthona Wrote:  Such a Mean Old Man

He died in his house at 112 years old
because he would not turn on the air conditioner.
He was on a fixed income and had to decide between
the overpriced medicine the doctor told him
he must take to stay alive and his electric bill
which was nearly a third of his income.
Unfortunately he did not have
an anti-roasting pill.
Some say he was a mean old man,
especially after his wife died.
He couldn’t afford his anti-depression medicine
because Medicare quit covering it.
People said, being so mean
he should have died at a reasonable age,
in lieu of that he should have
turned on the air conditioner;
at least he would have had
a taste of coolness before he died.
Most of the good people who lived around him
figured where he was going
he would never be cool again.


–Erthona


©2014

Hi Erthona; there are innumerable offenses increasingly, while uncle sam paints his smiling mask of democracy, of lofty intentions, millions are suffering their demons, and the rich getting richer. Personally, I wouldn't want to be around at 112. Loretta
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#6
Love the ending. Adds a bit of humor to what is otherwise a bleak look at not only the human condition, but also our healthcare system. I unfortunately know of some stories like this happening in my neighborhood, not 112 but the rest of it, and while it is sad to see an old SOB die nearly penniless and uncomfortable, it also shows that people who treat others poorly will receive that same kind of treatment. This was wonderfully written, although I honestly think it could serve better as a short story where you give background on the mans life and perhaps make him a little more likable. Just my thoughts, I did really like it
I write what I see. Write to make it right, don't like where I be. I'd like to make it like the sights on TV. Quite the great life, so nice and easy.
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#7
Jimmy, If I could write short story I'd be rich, but I can't which is why I am a broke poet Smile Maybe it will inspire someone to write a short story, who can actually do that well, I know my limitations.

Low-ret-uh, That's how they say it where I'm from Smile The government is too easy of a target. I made it slightly ambiguous from both perspective so it would give a more real look at the situation. what people don't understand is that when you make an older person expend more energy, it makes them irate because they simply don't have the energy to use, and the longer they have to expend it, the more painful it becomes. People then perceive this as mean. Are they rally mean? I would ask, isn't there more than one side as to what motivates a person who is mean?

Thanks for the read and comments guys, it is always appreciated.

Jimmy, did you see the poem I put up for you, it's called Hookah House.

Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?

The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
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