Distracted

[QDeathstar]

Sounds good

[ellajam]

Edited (still in progress, will change. Also be aware that i quickly added to some lines to this though i'm very tired, so maybe it seems a bit strange some places)
----
There is a world out there to be explored, but your sitting inside decaying and being bored
I think you need to pull out the cord, I think you need to open your eyes
And see what you’ve been overlooking
Chances to love chances to live
To experience true success, not just a quick laugh
Comedy flicks fix, or franticly pressing buttons
For a rush of adrenelin shortlived
An anonymos contender, winning a contest that no cares about
just your own selfish self, and a sore loser who lost nothing
but precious time
your short sightedness, your simple mindedness
Hides from you what you still don’t know you’ll be missing
The feeling of making a change, of doing a favour
Getting only gratitude in exchange
Feeling rich without any spare change
The images on the screen has you hypnotised, wake up from the unconciuosness
You never realized you are dreaming, you never noticed how the screen has you sedated
these carefully selected news that airs in between the mindless entertainment
are not good for you, they create a distance bewteen you
and the once initamate world outside your window
You’re eyes are swallowing the propaganda, you’re brain filter has no time to react
You are paralyzed but you think you are free
Thoughtlessness seems like bliss at times,
though it hurts to see it’s worse to be blind
Wake up and open your mind

Not the best i can come up with but something i want to hear some reactions to. My best poems are in my own lanquage but those are not of much use here

Hi, Morten, just a note on editing. The site's preferred format is to keep your original piece intact and label it Original. Then place the edit above it labelled Edit # ?. That way readers, and you, can watch the poem evolve without losing track of the original. Good luck with it.

[MT-EMPTY]

OK, i had it there to begin with, but i accidently made a mistake and edited the original and lost a line. I have put the orginal back, but it may be missing a sentence that i can't remember, im pretty sure it does, but atleast it's just one sentence

[just mercedes]

OK, i had it there to begin with, but i accidently made a mistake and edited the original and lost a line. I have put the orginal back, but it may be missing a sentence that i can't remember, im pretty sure it does, but atleast it's just one sentence

Sentence?

'It's a pun!' the King added in an offended tone, and everybody laughed, 'Let the jury consider their verdict,' the King said, for about the twentieth time that day.

'No, no!' said the Queen. 'Sentence first - verdict afterwards.'

'Stuff and nonsense!' said Alice loudly. 'The idea of having the sentence first!'




Lewis Carroll

[LorettaYoung]

Edited (still in progress, will change. Also be aware that i quickly added to some lines to this though i'm very tired, so maybe it seems a bit strange some places)
----
There is a world out there to be explored, but your sitting inside decaying and being bored
I think you need to pull out the cord, I think you need to open your eyes
And see what you’ve been overlooking
Chances to love chances to live
To experience true success, not just a quick laugh
Comedy flicks fix, or franticly pressing buttons
For a rush of adrenelin shortlived
An anonymos contender, winning a contest that no cares about
just your own selfish self, and a sore loser who lost nothing
but precious time
your short sightedness, your simple mindedness
Hides from you what you still don’t know you’ll be missing
The feeling of making a change, of doing a favour
Getting only gratitude in exchange
Feeling rich without any spare change
The images on the screen has you hypnotised, wake up from the unconciuosness
You never realized you are dreaming, you never noticed how the screen has you sedated
these carefully selected news that airs in between the mindless entertainment
are not good for you, they create a distance bewteen you
and the once initamate world outside your window
You’re eyes are swallowing the propaganda, you’re brain filter has no time to react
You are paralyzed but you think you are free
Thoughtlessness seems like bliss at times,
though it hurts to see it’s worse to be blind
Wake up and open your mind

Not the best i can come up with but something i want to hear some reactions to. My best poems are in my own lanquage but those are not of much use here

Hi, Morten, just a note on editing. The site's preferred format is to keep your original piece intact and label it Original. Then place the edit above it labelled Edit # ?. That way readers, and you, can watch the poem evolve without losing track of the original. Good luck with it.

Hi, it sounds a bit to me like a lecture, rather than a poem. Punctuation is a problem for me also, but good to try to conquer; alot of the sentences would say the same but briefer with broader context wording; nice attempt, I think some good editing will help this alot; but I'm no expert at that. Best, Loretta

Loretta, try hitting the reply button on the Original Post to address the poem directly. ella/mod

[MT-EMPTY]

Ok, i'm just gonna leave this for now i think, as it requires more work then i want to put into at the moment. I will instead post another poem soon