how do i build a stronger poem rather than a catch

[allthingsworthy]

Cracked, sad, broken voice
downfall
you trip back
only to catch that tired-some face
Willowed days
Are now dressed in lace
Is there no greater love?
Only this false tenderness I speak of
the sea
how it diminishes me
It pulls me inwards
the white waves swallow me whole
a love I no longer want to know

[rowens]

Cracked, sad, broken voice
downfall

This line break appears like a fine thing to have done. But what is it saying?

you trip back
only to catch that tired-some face
Willowed days
Are now dressed in lace
Is there no greater love?

Things seem jumbled. you trip back/only to catch that tired-some face/
Willowed days/Are now dressed in lace

Is that what you mean by a catch?
And what are you doing with this word "tired-some"?


Only this false tenderness I speak of
the sea
how it diminishes me
It pulls me inwards
the white waves swallow me whole
a love I no longer want to know