Where Is Your Anger now? (Note: Expletives used)

[wasted_dreams011]

Hello! My name for writing poetry is Wasted Dreams. I came up with the nickname around 7 years ago when I first began writing poetry and it stuck. My real name is Christopher Goss; I'm a 23 year old college student. I'm majoring in science and minoring in Japanese.

I began writing poetry due to an unrequited love, but I kept at it. I wrote hundreds of poems throughout the first year trying to cope with my ongoing struggles with depression, sorrow, and general angst. Typical high school stuff, I guess.

But I digress. Here is my first poem for you magnificent people.

Where Is Your Anger Now?

We sold our freedom
for Big Macs, big stacks of crack
and bottles of Jack
This shit is wack
And in fact
I'm totally done havin' fun
With the lines I've spun
We want to sit here and bitch and moan
And groan while we play with our phones
We're nothing but drones and clones
Bleeding out over the bones of our ancestors
We don't like the shape the world is in
But are the masses getting off their asses
Nah but as soon as as the latest iPhone comes out
They get out the fastest
While fascist dictators blast us
And I'm the Christoph
But I'm so pissed off
That I could list off
All the things wrong with this world
When lies and retorts are hurled
This isn't the way things are supposed to be
And I'm led to believe I'm free
Shit, NSA already knows the lines I'm writin'
While we're out here fightin'
Over the latest celebrity newspapers
The government makes off like capers
We can't see above the skyscrapers
Everything tapers
But we're too busy feedin' kids this bullshit
Because it's important to fit in
And sit in with all the cool kids
But these are fool bids
Makin' new generations
The foolish leaders of nations
Let's just cut the funds off from the schools
And prioritize learning multiple choice answers
This is a goddamn cancer
Because these kids grow up without actual knowledge
And I'm just another dancer
Looking for what is right
We're supposed to epitomize
And legitimize the spies and lies
Like flies droppin' from the skies
While the land denies
That there is a very fundamental problem
But we're too busy sittin' on the couch to care
Becomin' freedom fighters on the weekend
Only to go back to our daily hum drum lives
And forget the strife that we strive to stifle
While armies march with rifles
We're too busy tappin' away on facebook
And they took us for fools
Because the schools damn sure don't care
Where are all the minute men
To take out the the senate when
It's nothing but a hall of corruption
Where is the eruption
Just tell me
Where is your anger now?

Pease read the short but clear rules. You need to post thoughtful critique for others before posting your own work. /mod

[rowens]

It's a list of bad things about current civilization, and it's presented as a list of bad things about current civilization. It lists things people know or don't care to know. It's an information poem, but how are things supposed to be?

[mrwhite]

Where Is Your Anger Now?

We sold our freedom
for Big Macs, big stacks of crack
and bottles of Jack === every civilization drinks alcohol
This shit is wack === not sure what i think about wack
And in fact
I'm totally done havin' fun
With the lines I've spun
We want to sit here and bitch and moan
And groan while we play with our phones
We're nothing but drones and clones
Bleeding out over the bones of our ancestors
We don't like the shape the world is in
But are the masses getting off their asses
Nah but as soon as as the latest iPhone comes out
They get out the fastest
While fascist dictators blast us
And I'm the Christoph
But I'm so pissed off redundant. we know you are pissed off
That I could list off you are listing off
All the things wrong with this world
When lies and retorts are hurled
This isn't the way things are supposed to be
And I'm led to believe I'm free
Shit, NSA already knows the lines I'm writin'
While we're out here fightin'
Over the latest celebrity newspapers
The government makes off like capers
We can't see above the skyscrapers didnt quite understand this
Everything tapers
But we're too busy feedin' kids this bullshit
Because it's important to fit in
And sit in with all the cool kids too much teenage angst
But these are fool bids
Makin' new generations
The foolish leaders of nations
Let's just cut the funds off from the schools
And prioritize learning multiple choice answers
This is a goddamn cancer
Because these kids grow up without actual knowledge
And I'm just another dancer
Looking for what is right
We're supposed to epitomize
And legitimize the spies and lies
Like flies droppin' from the skies
While the land denies
That there is a very fundamental problem
But we're too busy sittin' on the couch to care
Becomin' freedom fighters on the weekend
Only to go back to our daily hum drum lives
And forget the strife that we strive to stifle
While armies march with rifles
We're too busy tappin' away on facebook
And they took us for fools
Because the schools damn sure don't care
Where are all the minute men
To take out the the senate when
It's nothing but a hall of corruption
Where is the eruption
Just tell me
Where is your anger now?

I like your intentions. You're mad at the world and its correctable problems. The emotion is there but a lot of this seems in your face.

[kaiaferg]

hey, it seems as though its a rap song, and the rhymes are very simple and forced eg

"We want to sit here and bitch and moan
And groan while we play with our phones
We're nothing but drones and clones"

"The government makes off like capers
We can't see above the skyscrapers
Everything tapers"

and because they are simple rhymes you read the poem very quickly and at the end of reading it you get the feeling that you didn't take in anything that you have read.
just a few things but thank you for the read

[RSaba]

Personally, I find it tough to read centered poems that were not written to be centered. Try aligning it to the left.

I agree with others- this feels like a rap, not a poem, because of the rhyme scheme and the heavy use of slang. The rhyming is too forced, which means it does not allow for creativity.

There is nothing new here. I understand the emotion behind the poem- try and find your own, new and unique way to say it. Be creative!

Good luck.