Ronald McDonald's Soliloquy
#1
The busts of lesser men are wrought
In grand displays of stone
These funny lifeless men are grave
Yet I am just as known.

I chose a painted plastic face
And set myself upon a bench
I offer up my arm to kids
Who never smell the stench

Of all those nasty cows I’ve killed
Why, what is death to me?
To me, a brightly painted sign.
Eternally in glee

So come with me to burger land
I’ve got a purple brute
To slay for robbing all my cups
Isn’t playing fun a hoot!
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#2
Grimace don't do that anymore.

The poem seems fine until the end. The last stanza could be someway better.
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#3
"Of all those tasty cows I’ve killed
so what is death to me?

"To slay those robbing all my cups"
playing is such a hoot?

Yeah that last stanza is not so great. I'd change the title and leave a little suspense. But it is fun.


Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?

The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
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#4
(05-19-2014, 10:04 AM)Erthona Wrote:  "Of all those tasty cows I’ve killed
so what is death to me?

"To slay those robbing all my cups"
playing is such a hoot?

Yeah that last stanza is not so great. I'd change the title and leave a little suspense. But it is fun.


Dale
Thanks for taking a look you make a good point about the title and the last stanza.
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