The Whippoorwill ( new edit)

[Thoughtjotter]

Childhood memories,
of warm southern nights;
A faded reflection on
the rhythmic squeak of a
front porch swing
gently swaying in
cadence with thousands of frogs, cicadas, and crickets…
a raucous melody of pulsating rhythm
whirling through the thick night air…
the whippoorwill adds the harmony
of his name:
"whippoorwill, whippoorwill, whippoorwill”…
Such is the music of warm southern nights,
the harmony of life in concert with time.

Childhood memories;
Has the old man blinked?
the creaking swing now
fades into time,
the old front porch
vanished into days gone by…
in its place
asphalt, packed flat in the sun,
sizzles in the heat
under the ever-rushing traffic,
the honking horns
and wailing sirens
blocking out the song
of the thousand-frog choir,
the scream of the city
drowning out the gentle meter
of the
whippoorwill…

so goes the music of warm southern nights,
the progress of man in concert with time.

[Leanne]

This reminded me of my childhood -- the ubiquitous cicadas and crickets -- the only difference is the bird. Here we'd hear the mopoke (and it too makes a sound just like its name).

The juxtaposition between the two stanzas is quite masterful, and I mourned a little. I would like to see fresher imagery than "honking horns" or "wailing sirens", but I do love the thousand-frog choir.

I'm also not convinced you need the first two lines of the second stanza. The passage of time is clearly implied by the rest.

But I like this a whole lot, and as you've already done some (lots of) tinkering I don't want to force anything more on you

[Thoughtjotter]

This reminded me of my childhood -- the ubiquitous cicadas and crickets -- the only difference is the bird. Here we'd hear the mopoke (and it too makes a sound just like its name).

The juxtaposition between the two stanzas is quite masterful, and I mourned a little. I would like to see fresher imagery than "honking horns" or "wailing sirens", but I do love the thousand-frog choir.

I'm also not convinced you need the first two lines of the second stanza. The passage of time is clearly implied by the rest.

But I like this a whole lot, and as you've already done some (lots of) tinkering I don't want to force anything more on you

Thank you for the great advice concerning the imagery and redundancy and I'm sure everyone thanks you for the,no more rererewrites, besides, I've got more mysteries waiting on the porch.
Thanks again,
R T