Tainted Memories

[micpschm]

The car burns, a crash in the night.
Two boys die, the town laments.
Years have passed, still people gather at the site,
The driver of the car, grown now, repents.

“I’ll never forget,” the town repeats every year,
“The good die young”.
I sit in silence, and shed no tear,
My memory of the boys, it stung.

Youth, in its naivety, turns the kindest toward rudeness.
“Too young,” unaffected ‘till the end by their choices;
two boys lost to me forever in their crudeness;
in my head a sad stain, the cruelty of their voices.

The boys died too young, couldn't make a change,
Or perhaps too old, a thought that feels strange.


I was unsure about how to choose a form before writing a poem. This seems off as I write it, more a series of individual thoughts about one event than a fluid poem throughout. I am looking for advice on the poem as is, and advice on how to choose a form before one begins writing.

[ChristopherSea]

Hi mic, I found the poem too conversational. Do you need all of those quotes? Also, you could focus more on image. You start off with a small one that could be elaborated. The annual town vigil with flowers, photos, etc. would be poignant as well. Ask yourself if rhyming helps or hurts the piece. Some thoughts for your next edit. Welcome to the site and all the best in poetry./Chris

[Erthona]

when the title's a cliche "Tainted Memories" you're not off to a good start.

In the following there is either several typos, or it makes no sense, or both.

Youth, in its naivety, turns the kindest toward rudeness.
“Too young,” unaffected ‘till the end by their choices;
two boys lost to me forever in their crudeness;
in my head a sad stain, the cruelty of their voices.

It kind of blows a satire out of the water when you have a complete stanza that makes no sense.

I would suggest you stick with one point of view, you seem to be falling over your own feet.

Dale