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When I was young with pockets full
My hands would skip away
My change into a rustic pond
Without a thought in play
What I bought was but a drop
A flagon full of lethe
To warm away the chill of death
And bathe in ripened heat
A spirit I could hold in hand
A goading cup of sun
To grow a rose upon a cheek
And make my body run.
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This is nice ballad meter, but you need to stick with the same voice in S3.
You start here 1st person, but do not stay with it in L3: Should read "To grow a rose upon my cheek"
"A spirit I could hold in hand
A goading cup of sun
To grow a rose upon a cheek
And make my body run."
Plus that last line seems somewhat nonsensical and mainly for the rhyme. What does "And make my body run" mean? Is it a colloquialism?
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
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(03-29-2014, 01:59 PM)Erthona Wrote: This is nice ballad meter, but you need to stick with the same voice in S3.
You start here 1st person, but do not stay with it in L3: Should read "To grow a rose upon my cheek"
"A spirit I could hold in hand
A goading cup of sun
To grow a rose upon a cheek
And make my body run."
Plus that last line seems somewhat nonsensical and mainly for the rhyme. What does "And make my body run" mean? Is it a colloquialism?
Dale,
Thank you for your comment. You point out a good observation with stanza three. As for the last line it is an oblique reference to an Andrew Marvell poem, To His Coy Mistress.
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Technically it is not ballad meter but common meter. I suppose it is irrelevant. I don't think the inversions are helping.
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Actually it is ballad meter, as the abab rhyme scheme is missing. Common meter must also rhyme the 1st and 3rd lines.
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
Posts: 574
Threads: 80
Joined: May 2013
We should call it gilligan's island meter
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it's a gas meter i think
