Novice's Love

[rowens]

Sometimes when you smile I'm happy
but I can't say much about that
way you have of making me feel more
like a messenger for something.

You stand out as an alien among aliens,
an animal in a packed zoo
waiting to be set free by a human, personal touch.

That's you, I don't know much,
though we've talked; you make it look
like you're alone no matter who you're with.
And it's not true.

But sometimes I feel this way,
and sometimes everything seems to depend
on how I feel and what you say.

Words are only space that feelings shed
while you keep yours to yourself;
though more than anything,
it's just the matter of who you're with.

[cidermaid]

Hi Rowens,
I actually like this one a lot. I'm not a fan of the title and some of the punctuation choices you made are causing me some grief; but i like the wistful sentiment and the tone of uncertainty and image of the one way street of this love I get from this. Kinda makes me sad - it reminds me of Forrest Gump talking about His Jenny. (I meant that as a compliment - I like Forrest Gump)

[rowens]

I wanted it to be a novice poem about novice love. About someone that knows but doesn't want to know.

[L Oquence]

I think this has a certain simplicity I enjoy. Like, it isn't really ushering in any groundbreaking new areas of poetry, but as a standalone piece I like the sheer simplicity. The first line stuck out to me especially as something that I particularly enjoy. I'm not really caught up with things like metre, but there doesn't feel like there is much of any rhythm to it, but perhaps in a way that's a good thing as it gives it even more of a "novice" or "down to earth" feel. I think overall it really reminds me of like, a first love, like those silly 7th grade relationships back when everything was simple I also like the packed zoo metaphor, but the alien among aliens one felt out of place.

[rowens]

Somebody's feelings. They can't do anything with their feelings, so they have to go out and preach feelings. Or make a poem about it. People sometimes make poems about being in love, that's all. That's their only reason to mess around with poetry. They don't care about being a poet, they just want to preach their feelings. That's what this poem is about. Somebody like that. As for me, I write poems because I'm religious. I don't believe in money, but I believe in work.