A Pessimist's Orgasm

[Thatonegirl]

Because I'm clutching for things long lost.

The wind, with her twisting arms and sullen mouth, reaches down my throat to wrench my breath away.

Because I'm taking it all in and letting nothing out.

The pavement is slick, a half-assed reminder that the world is topsy turvy and there is always a hard tumble lurking behind sturdy corners.

Because I can't deal with everything or anything.

The wind, who cares for no one, tangles my hair and chaps my cheeks and cackles when I'm thrown off balance.

Because. I. Can't.

[Leanne]

Oh yes, I like this one

It's very unlike the way I would format a poem, and I enjoy difference, especially because the form marries so well with the content. It does, however, make it a little more difficult for me to critique.

"because" works brilliantly -- it's not just the catchcry of the pessimist, but also of the procrastinator. Let us put the whole world as our obstacle -- that way, we will never be blamed for failure. It was just too big to overcome.

I am not entirely sold on "half-assed" as it seems out of place with the rest of the language, but that may just be a cultural difference.

And of course, the title is beautifully ironic. Thanks, I really enjoyed this.

[Thatonegirl]

Oh yes, I like this one

It's very unlike the way I would format a poem, and I enjoy difference, especially because the form marries so well with the content. It does, however, make it a little more difficult for me to critique.

"because" works brilliantly -- it's not just the catchcry of the pessimist, but also of the procrastinator. Let us put the whole world as our obstacle -- that way, we will never be blamed for failure. It was just too big to overcome.

I am not entirely sold on "half-assed" as it seems out of place with the rest of the language, but that may just be a cultural difference.

And of course, the title is beautifully ironic. Thanks, I really enjoyed this.

Leanne, thank you very much for your kind words and your feedback. I changed the word from "quiet" to "half-assed" because it sort of fit in with the whole "I'm gonna do what I want/self-indulgent" attitude I was pitching at the time I wrote it. I may very well change it to something else. Thanks again for your time and your kind words!

[shemthepenman]

this is great. and ignore leanne 'half-arsed' is perfectly placed thanks.

[Thatonegirl]

Thank you for reading and commenting, Shem. Very pleased you enjoyed it. :-)

[billy]

the "i can't" at the end made this a sad piece for me.
i'm trying to make the 2nd wind work and i'm sure it should but i'm struggling a little with it, the 1st use is exceptionally good in showing the depth of breath being expelled.

no nits other than that. for a short poem it carries a lot of frustrated (not necessarily sexual) emotion

thanks for the read.

Because I'm clutching for things long lost.

The wind, with her twisting arms and sullen mouth, reaches down my throat to wrench my breath away.

Because I'm taking it all in and letting nothing out.

The pavement is slick, a half-assed reminder that the world is topsy turvy and there is always a hard tumble lurking behind sturdy corners.

Because I can't deal with everything or anything.

The wind, who cares for no one, tangles my hair and chaps my cheeks and cackles when I'm thrown off balance.

Because. I. Can't.

[LorienLord]

I think with a few more line breaks it could be more effective.

LL