Poem #3

[oxomiya]

I remember the time
Side by side we sat
You, me, and the angry sea

A sea-shell tossed back
And never found

I wait for you
To wash ashore

[Blake]

I remember the time
Side by side we sat
You, me, and the angry sea

A sea-shell tossed back
And never found

I wait for you
To wash ashore

I'm still learning form so someone else may have to comment on that aspect, but what I can say is to me personally the poem leaves me with a conflict intrigue and confusion.

Somehow the poem leaves me intrigued and wanting more information but at the same time I am a little confused as I am not sure if I am reading about a lost love being likened to a seashell, or a literal prized sea-shell lost at sea.

I think its a good foundation, I think you could probably improve it a little.

[oxomiya]

Thanks Blake. I intentionally left it a little vague but, as always, looking for ways to improve.

I remember the time
Side by side we sat
You, me, and the angry sea

A sea-shell tossed back
And never found

I wait for you
To wash ashore

I'm still learning form so someone else may have to comment on that aspect, but what I can say is to me personally the poem leaves me with a conflict intrigue and confusion.

Somehow the poem leaves me intrigued and wanting more information but at the same time I am a little confused as I am not sure if I am reading about a lost love being likened to a seashell, or a literal prized sea-shell lost at sea.

I think its a good foundation, I think you could probably improve it a little.

[shemthepenman]

This is a enjoyable little poem; or at least, and for such a short poem, it has it's moments. The first three lines I thought especially good.

[YouAreMe]

Unconditional love you always have from me
Most especially my children
For we're in unity

Fear as reverential awe
You should only see from me
If you're walking and you fall
I only put you on your feet

I can refine you into purity
Why I say is what he says
Wisdom is yours in which I give liberally
So your OK I said

How could I give if you don't ask
You'll not be forced into my will
What you don't need is the mask
If you are me, your life's fulfilled

I am the complete expression of love
How are you not invited?
I love you, take only from above
Be as bold as a serpent
And as gentle as a dove

[oxomiya]

Thanks Shem.

This is a enjoyable little poem; or at least, and for such a short poem, it has it's moments. The first three lines I thought especially good.

---

Very nice. Is this for me? :-)

Unconditional love you always have from me
Most especially my children
For we're in unity

Fear as reverential awe
You should only see from me
If you're walking and you fall
I only put you on your feet

I can refine you into purity
Why I say is what he says
Wisdom is yours in which I give liberally
So your OK I said

How could I give if you don't ask
You'll not be forced into my will
What you don't need is the mask
If you are me, your life's fulfilled

I am the complete expression of love
How are you not invited?
I love you, take only from above
Be as bold as a serpent
And as gentle as a dove