Trinity of Existence

[Izo]

Be aware

Of the Carnal world surrounding Us
For flesh and bone we are bound
Limited by our Facticity and rightly so
But do not fear, salvation will evolve by Water
Without mercy, it crushes Us endlessly
With wave after wave till We have learned
To see without seeing, to feel without feeling
To embrace the Pine cone but not yet the final Ocean

Expanded by Imagination hopefully so
For it is only limited by you and I because
The dreams and hope is why We persist
For good or bad it will leave its mark
In Stone or Mind, ever is it bound
Never forgotten, never lost
Only by Stone may We perish
By keeping in Mind will We survive

Exceeded only through vigour and Soul
Inherence from beginning to end
Passed and given by earthly means
Omniscience, not possible by flesh and bone
Only in Blood do our inherence lie
Waiting to be heard by those listening in Silence
And if not journeyed by you and I in time and space
The Trinity of Existence must wither, fade and be left in ruin
---------------------------------------------------------------

I do apologize if it is too alusive and without form. I could elaborate but im not going to right away. I feel its very important to create our own view but if you ask i will gladly try and elaborate on it. Hope you like it and thanks for any criticism you might add.

PS. I will say this though: It has absolutely nothing to be with religion and everything to do with the Individual

[shemthepenman]

Be aware

Of the Carnal world surrounding Us
For flesh and bone we are bound
Limited by our Facticity and rightly so
But do not fear, salvation will evolve by Water
Without mercy, it crushes Us endlessly
With wave after wave till We have learned
To see without seeing, to feel without feeling
To embrace the Pine cone but not yet the final Ocean

Expanded by Imagination hopefully so
For it is only limited by you and I because
The dreams and hope is why We persist
For good or bad it will leave its mark
In Stone or Mind, ever is it bound
Never forgotten, never lost
Only by Stone may We perish
By keeping in Mind will We survive

Exceeded only through vigour and Soul
Inherence from beginning to end
Passed and given by earthly means
Omniscience, not possible by flesh and bone
Only in Blood do our inherence lie
Waiting to be heard by those listening in Silence
And if not journeyed by you and I in time and space
The Trinity of Existence must wither, fade and be left in ruin
---------------------------------------------------------------

I do apologize if it is too alusive and without form. I could elaborate but im not going to right away. I feel its very important to create our own view but if you ask i will gladly try and elaborate on it. Hope you like it and thanks for any criticism you might add.

PS. I will say this though: It has absolutely nothing to be with religion and everything to do with the Individual

hello,
this is a bit preachy and therefor although it isn't about religion it has that sense all over it; an also as what I assume is inspired by existentialism, it is strange that you have chosen to be so abstract. You have used some punctuation, but I am not sure why here and not there, or there and not here. Also, I cannot find any logic in capitalizing the particular words you have capitalized (there maybe something obvious, but I am not going looking for it).
there are some nice parts, 'salvation will evolve by water' an interesting line; and some nice word choices (flesh and bone is always a winner [but you have used it twice without any sense that you are aware of the repetition]. Yet the 'feeling without feeling' and 'see without seeing' paradoxes feel a bit cliche, and regardless of the 'real' meaning of the lines one tends to skip over cliches without even thinking at all.
thanks for posting.

[Izo]

Thanks for taking the time to post shemthepenman. in reply to your comment; I know it is a bit preachy, it was meant as a warning and it was inspired by existentialism glad someone noticed that. The structure or form really is my own way. Dont feel the need adjust myself to any other form, trying to develop my own. Hope thats not seen as an egotist or anything like that. I do cherish, appriciate and try to study the current forms as well as i can. The capitalized words was a way to show a significance other than its literal meaning.
Glad some of it was to your liking and i have a long road ahead of me, i know. Your criticism gave me something to reflect on and thank you for that

[ChristopherSea]

Welcome to the site Izo and thanks for the comments on your post. Personally, I felt that there was not much incentive to work through this theme. The poem is burdened with too much abstraction. The piece is also cluttered with capitalized words, for some kind of forced emphasis I assume. This gimmick fails in a piece with no punctuation and an arbitrary capitalization of the first words of each line. There is a spattering of images and metaphors in some individual lines, but the poem would fare better with a central one to bring the piece together. This needs heavy editing. It stands as pseudo-existential diatribe as is. Good luck with your next edit./Chris

[John Galt]

Hello Izo, I see this poem as "cutting your teeth" so to speak, which direction you head from here will be interesting. Your poem is mostly abstract, (see the exerpts below). All the rest is in the same vein, what does this mean for me, the reader? it means that your poem does not touch me on any level; there is no concrete imagery to let my mind form a mental picture, my senses are not engaged and so I cannot enter the poem at all. It is almost meaningless. I say that with respect.

"To see without seeing, to feel without feeling"
"To embrace the Pine cone but not yet the final Ocean"

"Only by Stone may We perish"
"By keeping in Mind will We survive"

Thank you... JG