happy wounds

[Monsters]

With a look she summons these snakes that
Swivel through my veins so fast they make ripples,
Tearing into me creating happy wounds
Which cannot be healed.

Her name is a mantra in my head,
A record spinning so fast it creates tornadoes in its wake
And devastation is running through the town in metaphors,
Throwing cows into walls so fast they are Gobbledygook.
Fishes swimming through their guts because the blood floods
The worlds she creates in my head.

She is a god, a concept of unimaginable beauty
So I edged parts of my memories in her skin--
And I can only see myself when she’s standing next to me…
She is a pixel more precise then all others,
She is a three of binary, an illogical perfection,
She makes things that cannot make sense,
A pattern that fits inside the obstructions of my body.

Together, we are exceptions
We draw our world and weave together
Images with infinite happiness,
And we are free from hate.
When it rains it’s of our happy tears
Pouring onto the streets
Making mediocrity into a series of
Five million rainbows in the city.

I cannot see clouds,
Cause her fingernails are forged into those rainbows
And the colors are turning into a picture of a galaxy.
Without her,
I’ve been drawing the nothing that’s inside me
A picture frame surrounding a dull gray paper.
And I’m drowning in sweat
Filling up empty rooms trying to replicate
Something that cannot be,
Something that made so much sense before
But it vanishes, and I’m not capable
To do anything because
She is my inspiration..

Now, I find myself pacing in the isles of libraries,
And feeling myself morphed into a fate,
Of understanding life linearly,
And I mouth the titles looking for a book to give me purpose
Or an equation that equals a depth
Of greater importance then me and her,
And I about memorized every page.

[NobodyNothing]

Hi. Welcome. On my first two passes through this poem, one thought struck me first: Eliminate every unnecessary word in this poem. It would immediately be stronger. Seriously. Try it. I'm not kidding. Immediately better. You will surprise yourself. I was doing it as I was reading it. That's not what you want a reader to do, do your editing for you.

Otherwise, themes that I like, that I'm crazy about.

Thanks much for sharing.

NN

[Monsters]

Thank you, I totally understand. It is difficult for me to be less wordy but I don't know why. I'll be working on it.

[Carousal]

The one word that sums up this piece to me is adulation which could possibly hold the readers attention for one or two stanzas but for six it begins progressively to grind.
The thought I was left with after reading was that you are placing the object of your adulation, presumable a women, on such a high pedestal that no woman one could ever hope to reach.
Some interesting lines were mixed with others that made little sense

When it rains it’s of our happy tears
Pouring onto the streets
Making mediocrity into a series of
Five million rainbows in the city.

My advice would be to simplify your writing, let it breath. Look for angles that give a different slant on the emotion you are seeking to express instead of continuing to repeat the same theme.

Regards Cari.