Mountain

[teejai]

Winds whistling through the trees,
Leaves swirling to the ground.
Wolves howling in the distance,
Mountains echoing their sound.
Winds settling, temperature dropping.
Moonlight fading, howling stopping.
Snowflakes floating down from above,
Caressing all that is seen with love.
Mountains looming overhead,
No clear path in sight.
Darkness sliding down the peak,
There is no rest tonight.
Climbing to the top.
It seems to never end,
Cannot give in to the pain,
Cannot break, cannot bend.
Standing atop the mountain,
Looking all around.
Body shaking, heart is breaking,
There is nothing to be found.

[milo]

Winds whistling through the trees,
Leaves swirling to the ground.
Wolves howling in the distance,
Mountains echoing their sound.

Are you trying to write without using verbs?
Are the incomplete sentences deliberate?

[billy]

a good list poem needs a little cohesion. and less repetition.
look out for things like

Snowflakes floating down from above, from above isn't needed.

do snowflakes love?

cut out any wasted words, connect some of the line and replace any repetition.
one of your main problems is cliche. the first 3 lines are such, try and use fresh phrases and images.

[teejai]

milo - as obvious as it seems once its pointed out, I honestly didn't even realize I was "verbless". I'll redo and try something again and as for the sentances.. I don't know why I included punctuation as I feel it takes away from the poem.. so I'll look into that as well

billy - this is all new to me, so I appreciate your advice.. as for the snowflakes loving, it was more of a way of expressing their gentle nature but if I used the word caressing I guess that would have taken care of that, hence the need for less words. And whats wrong with cliches?! haha.. I'll try some other wording and see what I can come up with.

Thanks both of you, I really appreciate the upfront and honest feedback. It was hard to find so this is fantastic!

[kingmicahde]

I agree with the above but I will add I don't know if you did it on purpose but you changed rhyme scheme in the middle of the poem then changed back. I broke it down to 5 4 bar stanzas with all having an ABCB rhyme scheme exept the second with a AABB rhyme scheme

[billy]

And whats wrong with cliches?! haha.. I'll try some other wording and see what I can come up with.

they generally kill a poem, there's always exceptions but these are rare in good poetry cliche is one of the hardest things for me to deal with in my own stuff, i see them all over the place in other peoples poetry but miss them in my own.