L-O-V-E in the Crossword (second edit)

[beaufort]

L-O-V-E in the Crossword

Mate is a four-letter word for spouse,
a pal or wife but not lover,
which is a five-letter word

for paramour, an eight-letter word
for “other woman”.

Beginning, a nine-letter word for dawning
burden is onus or encumbrance,
to split is (four letters) to tear

causing to break forcibly
into parts.

Blue is a four-letter word for sad,
but not bleak, black or barren,
alone may be (ten letters)

loneliness,
but also unequalled, inimitable.

Time is an hour or an era,
spirit both moxie and ghost,
ache is pain but could be

a six-letter word beginning in "d",
desire


L-O-V-E in the Crossword

(with thanks to those who have made suggestions )

Spouse is mate,
pal or wife but not lover,
a five-letter word
for paramour

which is an eight-letter word
for “other woman”.

Beginning a rise
or dawning,
burden onus or encumbrance,
to split is to tear or rupture

causing to break forcibly
into parts.

Sad may be blue or bittersweet
but not bleak, black or barren,
alone may be (three words)
“on your own”,

but also unique, unequalled
inimitable.

Time is an hour or an era,
spirit both moxie and ghost,
ache is misery, pain, or sorrow
but could be

(a six-letter word beginning in d)

“desire”.

________________________________________
What I know of love I’ve learned in crosswords:

That spouse is mate, a pal or wife
but not lover, a five-letter word
for paramour, which is an eight-letter word
for “other woman”.

That beginning is a rise or dawning
and burden onus or encumbrance;
to split is to tear or to rupture, causing to break
forcibly into parts.

That sad may be blue or bittersweet
but not bleak, black or barren,
that alone can mean lonely or rejected, but also
unique or unequalled.

That time can be an hour or an era
and spirit both ghost and moxie,
selfless action is illusion not altruism,
ache both hurt and desire.

[ellajam]

Hi, I really enjoyed this one. I'll have to read it more hoping for some meaningful critique, but I'm caught on "selfless action is illusion". I've never seen that in a crossword, and can't really understand it. Google's led me to eastern religions but I still can't make sense of it. If you're saying no action is actually selfless I can understand that, but it doesn't seem to me to fit your poem. Am I missing something?

[beaufort]

I guess I did kind of make it up. I am indeed saying that selfless action is an illusion and that there is really no such thing as altruism. Thanks for reading.

[ellajam]

I guess I did kind of make it up. I am indeed saying that selfless action is an illusion and that there is really no such thing as altruism. Thanks for reading.

In the rest of the poem you can interchange the words, maybe you can come up with something that works the same way for that line and still says what you want to say.

[billy]

it's works but i'm not sure the first line does. maybe make the first line the title or something like "love in a cross word" just a suggestion. have a play about with the line breaks see if you can make what you have be better laid down. an example:

That spouse is mate,
a pal or wife but not lover,
a five-letter word for

paramour, which is an eight-letter word
for “other woman”.

there area couple of words you could lose such as [which is] but again it's just a suggestion.
thanks for the read

What I know of love I’ve learned in crosswords:

That spouse is mate, a pal or wife
but not lover, a five-letter word
for paramour, which is an eight-letter word
for “other woman”.

That beginning is a rise or dawning is is needed when a comma world do?
and burden onus or encumbrance; no need for and
to split is to tear or to rupture, causing to break
forcibly into parts.

That sad may be blue or bittersweet
but not bleak, black or barren, i like the [b's]
that alone can mean lonely or rejected, but also
unique or unequalled.

That time can be an hour or an era
and spirit both ghost and moxie,
selfless action is illusion not altruism, this line isn't needed
ache both hurt and desire. i'd suggest making this line the penultimate and come up with a good end line instead of just slamming the door in the readers face.

[beaufort]

Thanks for your comments, I will work on an edit in a day or two. I appreciate your and ellajam's comments. Best.

[ejames]

"selfless action is illusion" I believe is a genius line, though I do agree that it does not necessarily fit the poem.

[beaufort]

Thanks for the comment ejames. Wish I could find about 40 more genius lines to go with it!

[Blake]

I like what you did with this poem. It is different but quite intriguing with the crossword concept. It feels both informational and almost as if its trying to tell it's own story through the conveyance of information

[justcloudy]

Wow huge difference with the edit, nicely done. It's much more accessible to this non-crossword-doer. It tells the story beautifully now, the first draft was a bit too vague. The paragraph breaks (how do we call those empty lines in poet-speak?) are well done, though they were a little distracting at first they add a lot the second/third time around.

My only critique would be the penultimate line... it looks awkward as it is. Maybe write "d" in quotes (and getting rid of the quotes around "desire") or capitalize it? It's just a nit but it bugs me.

Thanks for the read and the fine editing job!

-justcloudy

[beaufort]

Thanks to all for comments.

Justcloudy, I think you are right about the last lines and will do a quick edit there. I appreciate your reading and suggestions. Linda

[Codry]

L-O-V-E in the Crossword

Mate is a four-letter word for spouse,
a pal or wife but not lover,
which is a five-letter word

for paramour, an eight-letter word
for “other woman”.

Beginning, a nine-letter word for dawning
burden is onus or encumbrance,
to split is (four letters) to tear

causing to break forcibly
into parts.

Blue is a four-letter word for sad,
but not bleak, black or barren,
alone may be (ten letters)

loneliness,
but also unequalled, inimitable.

Time is an hour or an era,
spirit both moxie and ghost,
ache is pain but could be

a six-letter word beginning in "d",
desire


L-O-V-E in the Crossword

(with thanks to those who have made suggestions )

Spouse is mate,
pal or wife but not lover,
a five-letter word
for paramour

which is an eight-letter word
for “other woman”.

Beginning a rise
or dawning,
burden onus or encumbrance,
to split is to tear or rupture

causing to break forcibly
into parts.

Sad may be blue or bittersweet
but not bleak, black or barren,
alone may be (three words)
“on your own”,

but also unique, unequalled
inimitable.

Time is an hour or an era,
spirit both moxie and ghost,
ache is misery, pain, or sorrow
but could be

(a six-letter word beginning in d)

“desire”.

________________________________________
What I know of love I’ve learned in crosswords:

That spouse is mate, a pal or wife
but not lover, a five-letter word
for paramour, which is an eight-letter word
for “other woman”.

That beginning is a rise or dawning
and burden onus or encumbrance;
to split is to tear or to rupture, causing to break
forcibly into parts.

That sad may be blue or bittersweet
but not bleak, black or barren,
that alone can mean lonely or rejected, but also
unique or unequalled.

That time can be an hour or an era
and spirit both ghost and moxie,
selfless action is illusion not altruism,
ache both hurt and desire.

Capitals at the beginning of the lines. Crosswords could be a code name for the conversations you have with the lover not the actual game(that takes all the love out of it and describes it so poorly). Unequalled(grammatically incorrect) mmm I would rather use unequal or uneven.