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Kind Words for the absurdist. Circus surplus, circle yes. Circa now. Is it cold? See icicles on your nose. I just watched them as they froze. Only fed the birds that dove. Only fled the flooded homes to find a future of my own and leaves behind the fall I've known.
Clouds remind me of pessimists, a fog too thick to see through. A thought too small to sit on. The earth if we unearth it may just... breath again and bleed again and even then!
Are we even then?
Do we just leave it all behind and read the sequel then?
Seven teens around seventeen surround one boy on his second dream. They pointed and they laughed. They poked him in his bath as he went from class to class trying to scratch beneath his cast.
The bones were never severed but the doctors never checked it, Just assumed that they were broken gave him medicines for nothing. Now sick kids swim around chichlids, see the world through six lids and you label them the misfits. Now a flustered trust, clusterfucked me without the rubber ducked inside an open cut hoping I can muster up a couple words for the absurdist.
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Wow, I thoroughly enjoyed the read. You manipulate language in some very interesting ways. The only criticism I have is that it's organized into paragraphs instead of stanzas; in its current state it's effectively prose.
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(12-09-2013, 11:18 AM)Speaktaboo Wrote: Kind Words for the absurdist. Circus surplus, circle yes. Circa now. Is it cold? See icicles on your nose. I just watched them as they froze. Only fed the birds that dove. Only fled the flooded homes to find a future of my own and leaves behind the fall I've known.
Clouds remind me of pessimists, a fog too thick to see through. A thought too small to sit on. The earth if we unearth it may just... breath again and bleed again and even then!
Are we even then?
Do we just leave it all behind and read the sequel then?
Seven teens around seventeen surround one boy on his second dream. They pointed and they laughed. They poked him in his bath as he went from class to class trying to scratch beneath his cast.
The bones were never severed but the doctors never checked it, Just assumed that they were broken gave him medicines for nothing. Now sick kids swim around chichlids, see the world through six lids and you label them the misfits. Now a flustered trust, clusterfucked me without the rubber ducked inside an open cut hoping I can muster up a couple words for the absurdist.
How delightfully absurd! I loved it, prose or not. So Manfred Mann-ly; so Lewis Caroll-ish! What raised my brows was, "Now sick kids swim around chiclids" WTF?? Couldn't you have done something with, say . . . dolphins? Good show, take a bow.
My shit list runs horizontally - there's always room for you at the top
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Thanks for reading guys and funny enough the type of fish was chosen in the early stages of the piece. I know my form is shit... I don't plan on working on it.
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Kudos, for a piece that encompasses the lowly chiclids. Did you take that bow? Are you saying prose is shit? I don't think so . . .
My shit list runs horizontally - there's always room for you at the top
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I'm saying prose is thee shit.
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(12-09-2013, 12:33 PM)Speaktaboo Wrote: I know my form is shit... I don't plan on working on it.
Umm.. then why post?
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The howling beast is back.
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There's other things I'm getting feedback on that I will work on besides form and structure. Thanks for reading love!
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Sure, but if you post something here it's to help improve it, and your skills as a poet in general. If you post something and essentially say "yah but I'm not interested in improving" then what does that say to the people who take time to read it and comment on it? And why would anyone want to help you with other poetry you post? To be honest I was going to comment on another of yours but you don't really seem like you want help, so I don't think I'll waste my time.
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The howling beast is back.
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I never said I didn't want help. I think you took that the wrong way Hun. I welcome criticism. I just don't think structure is all that necessary with what we do. I need to work on many things. I just don't think il be changing the form into the normal stanzas, is all. May have expressed that wrong. If you don't want to give me feedback, that's fine. Know that I welcome it.
There's nothing wrong with the form. It's not absurd. It's just there.
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(12-10-2013, 05:48 AM)justcloudy Wrote: Sure, but if you post something here it's to help improve it, and your skills as a poet in general. If you post something and essentially say "yah but I'm not interested in improving" then what does that say to the people who take time to read it and comment on it? And why would anyone want to help you with other poetry you post? To be honest I was going to comment on another of yours but you don't really seem like you want help, so I don't think I'll waste my time.
what she said :J:
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