Hobe Sound by trueenigma

[milo]

Suppose I said the colors do not blend
together like they did with you around,

the blues don't match the breakers in Hobe Sound,
the ocean's unrealistic. Would you then

return to guide my hand, help paint the sand?
My fingers shake and bristles scrape the ground

beyond the palms, the fields, the church, the town.
I cut a jagged scar into the land.

You could paint the music in the pines,
and birdsong in the skies. Suppose I said

it is impossible to shade these lines!
They dry too fast, and chip away. Instead,

like etched calligraphy, our shapes entwine
while I engrave the stone above your head.

Original thread with workshopping here

[Todd]

Wow!

I hadn't commented on the original thread, because I had nothing to add to the discussion, but here it's at least appropriate to say how much I agree with this choice. I found this to be a painful and lovely read.

It's a much deserved spotlight.

[justcloudy]

Very touching, and absolutely beautiful. Thanks for the spotlight milo, I had missed this one.

-justcloudy

[Truerenigma]

....

[cidermaid]

I found this simply beautiful.
I love the new title and agree with an earlier comment in the thread, that having a location helps to ground this.
I second Todds comment this is a very worthy spotlight choice - beutiful and poignant. AJ.

[Truerenigma]

Thank you all. And thanks again to all of you who helped me workshop this one. With your help it has come a long way. It is a privilege to be working in the greatest workshop on the internet.

[milo]

I thought, BTW that the poem was very strong at the outset. What really impressed me about this poem and this thread was how strongly the task of revision was addressed. nothing was off the table, the author addressed areas of weakness in his own way and made them areas of strength. I think anyone who reads the poem and loves it should read the thread as well to see just the metamorphosis. i particularly liked the switch to the non-standard stanza breaks - it was both a surprise and a delight.

[Leanne]

Brilliant choice, milo. I missed this one in the original thread (because I'm slack at reading just now) -- the enjambment in particular is masterful. Reading through the workshopping process made me very happy -- that's what the site is for, and a good poet knows how to work it.

Great job true

[Truerenigma]

Thank you Leann. You all have really made my day><

[tectak]

Thank you Leann. You all have really made my day><

Congrats true!
Deserved honouring. The job is done and I would pay to read this one.
Well done again!
Best,
Tom

[Truerenigma]

Thank you tec. I suppose that sabbatical did me some good, huh?

P.s.
In that case, I'll p.m. you my address, and you can mail me a cheque.

---

Honestly though, I really do appreciate it. (It is probably the highest form of compliment that one could pay, and I'm very pleased that you feel that way about it.) It's free for you, thanks for the help in the workshop.

[Keith]

Congratulations True well deserved I had nothing to add first time round and it took me ages to get through the read because each line took me off some place else. Best Keith

[Truerenigma]

Thanks Keith

[billy]

well and truly deserved, truly

great effort and great workshopping. exemplary even well done to milo as well
i only just read it after seeing the link in this thread it was worth it.

[Truerenigma]

well and truly deserved, truly

great effort and great workshopping. exemplary even well done to milo as well
i only just read it after seeing the link in this thread it was worth it.

Thanks billy. And yeah, thanks again milo, you cantankerous arse.