Reason (Rough)

[digna_sofia]

Resist the urge to tempt me
Amorphous honeyed thought
The things you say shall surely end in stings

Great minds have moved, removed me
Enchanted, inked and stilled
My time for humming's ceased indefinitely
In undulating silence
Nomadic radical
Integrity is standing at my guard

So shall you hear it thrumming
If you should ever try
Grasp for my mind to see if you still can
No, sadly, honeyed thought, you'll find you can't

[billy]

Resist the urge to tempt me
Amorphous honeyed thought
The things you say shall surely end in stings

Great minds have moved, removed me
Enchanted, inked and stilled
My time for humming's ceased indefinitely
In undulating silence
Nomadic radical
Integrity is standing at my guard

So shall you hear it thrumming
If you should ever try
Grasp for my mind to see if you still can
No, sadly, honeyed thought, you'll find you can't

for me, the honeyed in amorphous honeyed thought feels a bit of a misnomer as honeyed defines the amorphous. (even though it would lack any shape per say)

i do love the way you extend the thread of honey into the sting
for me it feels like;

Integrity is standing at my guard is a little forced in order to fit into the acrosticity of the poem. (hey, i just made up a new word)

the craft is excellent. though again for me, considering the poem is about the twins, the language feels a little haughty and may help with some juxtaposition of your choosing.

i have to admit to being at a loss as to the rat in rat Gemini sign?

i really enjoyed the 2nd stanza
specially this part ;

Great minds have moved, removed me
Enchanted, inked and stilled
My time

as always, your a pleasure to read. hard to decipher but definitely a pleasure to read. thanks

i had to inquire about the rat you fink and i love it.

i asked your sister and was told....wait for it ....you were born in the year of the rat. which makes the actual caps of the acrostic deliciously delish

[addy]

You really do make the best opening lines. A little sad, yet very fascinating. As usual hard to critique, since your form's pretty much perfect

[digna_sofia]

for me, the honeyed in amorphous honeyed thought feels a bit of a misnomer as honeyed defines the amorphous. (even though it would lack any shape per say)

i do love the way you extend the thread of honey into the sting
for me it feels like;

Wow, didn't occur to me that I was being redundant...food for thought. Thanks.

Integrity is standing at my guard is a little forced in order to fit into the acrosticity of the poem. (hey, i just made up a new word)

Ah, so you felt that too ^^; I've been trying to think of other lines for that. Also: NEW WORD FTW!!!

the language feels a little haughty and may help with some juxtaposition of your choosing.

Any suggestions for juxtapositions?

i really enjoyed the 2nd stanza
specially this part ;

Great minds have moved, removed me
Enchanted, inked and stilled
My time

I enjoyed writing that bit too

as always, your a pleasure to read. hard to decipher but definitely a pleasure to read. thanks

i had to inquire about the rat you fink and i love it.

i asked your sister and was told....wait for it ....you were born in the year of the rat. which makes the actual caps of the acrostic deliciously delish

I'm happy that you read it too, and yes, this poem is kind of personal that way. It was obviously a bit of a challenge to make the acrostic work, but I'm sure glad you enjoyed it, Billy! Thanks for the critique.

---

You really do make the best opening lines. A little sad, yet very fascinating. As usual hard to critique, since your form's pretty much perfect

Thanks for reading and the comment, you adorable flatterer

Amusingly enough, you can thank our high school speech teacher (Ma'am Abad) for my obsession with opening lines. She insists that a good opening line invites people to listen to the rest of a speech. I guess I just want people to read the rest of my poem.

And only you would recognize and comment on melancholy undercurrent. I appreciate that.

[billy]

Any suggestions for juxtapositions?

i'll be honest. you have a lot more skill regards the craft of a poem than i ever could. (use it )

i'm not sure, maybe a silly girlish foible or pleasantness
a whimsical aspect, the opposite of intellectual