Take A Bow

[digna_sofia]

Take A Bow

The loudest sound
you'll ever hear
is the sound of
an ending
unexpected.

The knowledge
that you are standing
where you were,
but no longer belonging

choking
on the moment
of furious change
and revelation
is more than enough.

Death becomes
a mercy
when you hang
by the neck

when people scream
"hold on"

when you see
(eyes wide)
your self
go dark.

For the world.

[billy]

what a bugger.
i can't see a thing i'd change.

maybe i found the last line a little overly dramatic but in truth i think thats just me and not the words.

i get the feeling
of
"The best laid schemes o' mice an' men / Gang aft agley." ;
an excerpt from a poem by Burns called, To a Mouse.

and when they do we're amazed we (go dark) at the surprising fact they have. (gone awry, )

no big words, nothing exciting in a line by line way but as a whole it think its suprerb.

at last....cap C in choking if you want to follow a consistent format.
i can believe that,s it

thanks for a great read ds

[digna_sofia]

Thank you very much for the comments! Considering the "c" and thankful that the draft isn't quite as horrible as I thought it would be. Is it ok to revise this in maybe a week or a month and post the product in this thread?

[billy]

Thank you very much for the comments! Considering the "c" and thankful that the draft isn't quite as horrible as I thought it would be. Is it ok to revise this in maybe a week or a month and post the product in this thread?

of course it is

[addy]

Brilliant. That first stanza is just perfect.

I like the macabre element to it, the way it reminds me of a Houdini stage show in a not- entirely cynical way (or maybe I'm just imagining it)

[digna_sofia]

Addy: I was, in fact trying to give it magic show-gone-wrong kind of feel. Well done! And thank you for the compliment on that first stanza; I was wondering if it should be restructured, but if you guys think it's fine, I think I can stick with it.