Dandelion

[Bianca Alabaster]

If someone told you
you were a weed,
What would you believe?

I’m just a little dandelion,
with no one to rely on.

I thought I was
a beautiful wildflower.

Until he spoke
and said
it wasn’t so.

Sticks and stones
don't break my bones,
and names
will always hurt me.

©10/30/09

[billy]

If someone told you
you were a weed,
What would you believe?

I’m just a little dandelion,
with no one to rely on.

I thought I was
a beautiful wildflower.

Until he spoke
and said
it wasn’t so.

Sticks and stones
don't break my bones,
and names [would but have worked better]
will always hurt me.

©10/30/09

i see you have a dandelion theme going on Bianca,

i like the idea that the first person in the poem can see their worth or beauty, and then shows how easy it is for that self worth to be eroded.

(for me) , i don't think the first stanza adds enough to the poem to be effective.

overall i enjoyed the read. thanks

[Bianca Alabaster]

good points

[billy]

good points

thanks for taking them as intended Bianca. and of course you obviously know that in the final analysis it's you the writer who has choice to use or leave any feedback given.

[addy]

Reminds me of that song, "I'm a lonely little petunia" (might be mistaken with the title)

You have an informal rhyme going on in this. I think you could improve this by slightly altering the fourth stanza so its rhythm will complement the rhythm of the third stanza... not perfectly, but just enough to maintain that rhythm. Otherwise, this is nice

[mrmod]

If someone told you
you were a weed,
What would you believe? < I love this rheotorical question, bang in the beggining of the poem

I’m just a little dandelion,
with no one to rely on.

I thought I was
a beautiful wildflower. (maybe you could just make it shorter, "I thought i was beautiful" because to me it doesn't quite add-up )


Until he spoke
and said
it wasn’t so.

Sticks and stones
don't break my bones,
and names
will always hurt me < I especially like this last line because it is an obvious play on the known expression, but it also gives the idea of being hurt.

©10/30/09

I really like the informal tone of the poem. It brings an innocence and "childhoodness" about it . This fades out in the last stanzas as we see that she/it is hurt.

No poem is perfect but this one I like. I can see the theme of nature a bit but it does make me wonder about how just simple words can hurt someone (a lot) .

Keep'em coming, you can only get better .

[Bianca Alabaster]

Thanks Dan for your suggestions, I really appreciate them.

Thanks for the first comment &
I had to use wildflower to keep the theme of flowers.
I see now I don't need the word beautiful actually because all wildflowers are beautiful - it is an unspoken.

But I liked the syllable rhythm when I first wrote it:
IE I'm just a little dandelion is a long stanza 9 count
then / a beautiful wildflower is a long phrase 7 count

I like to do that with my poems.


There is an undercurrent in the poem of "conformity and fitting in" as well. When i wrote it, I was a beautiful (according to everyone else - not me) new bride with my new family, had my first baby and everyone else in my family was acting like they were better than me. Even though my father was richer than my husband's father and my mother had more class than his mother. (Dont' get me wrong I loved my mother & father-in law). But they were snobs and my folks were down to earth. I was trying to be the wildflower (like all them in the meadow) and be accepted - act and do whatever they wanted, but my huband was emotionally abusive so i figured he thought I was just shit and so I must be a weed after all. And then I rather liked yellow dandelions after that. He divorced me after 10 years of faithful loyalty to him and his family. Argh, why my confession here?. sheesh, sorry, i'm a wierdo after all. thanks.

[srijantje]

don't worry,the worst ones are those who think they're normal
keep on going wildflower

[cigarbabe]

I liked the poem and the confession.
C.B.

[mrmod]

Thanks Dan for your suggestions, I really appreciate them.

Thanks for the first comment &
I had to use wildflower to keep the theme of flowers.
I see now I don't need the word beautiful actually because all wildflowers are beautiful - it is an unspoken.

But I liked the syllable rhythm when I first wrote it:
IE I'm just a little dandelion is a long stanza 9 count
then / a beautiful wildflower is a long phrase 7 count

I like to do that with my poems.


There is an undercurrent in the poem of "conformity and fitting in" as well. When i wrote it, I was a beautiful (according to everyone else - not me) new bride with my new family, had my first baby and everyone else in my family was acting like they were better than me. Even though my father was richer than my husband's father and my mother had more class than his mother. (Dont' get me wrong I loved my mother & father-in law). But they were snobs and my folks were down to earth. I was trying to be the wildflower (like all them in the meadow) and be accepted - act and do whatever they wanted, but my huband was emotionally abusive so i figured he thought I was just shit and so I must be a weed after all. And then I rather liked yellow dandelions after that. He divorced me after 10 years of faithful loyalty to him and his family. Argh, why my confession here?. sheesh, sorry, i'm a wierdo after all. thanks.

I find that background history (in this case, your confession) actually adds depth to the poem, so that we can see what the author is saying quite clearly.

Must've been hard for but thanks for sharing .

[addy]

I like that... your story made me see the poem in a different light as well.

A dandelion is a dandelion... its beautiful, but beauty after all is in the eye of the beholder. If someone mistakes precious things for worthless things, then it is him who's wanting.