Smile's all agape

[Intricate B]

Lollipops aplenty
on candy cane lane.
An array of all the colors
Within the spectrum of the rainbow.
Fluffiest clouds
Of pure white cotton.
Every structure, and tree, and sign, and rock,
Wrapped delicately and thoroughly,
In plush pillows of goose down.
The ankle high,
'Silky soft to bare feet' grass,
Expressing shades of green,
That define the color..
Elated with childlike wonder
And innocence,
A kiddo at Disneyland,
I take off running full speed...
With a careless disregard
To possible injury,
I leap head long in classic
Superman style,
Testing the supple, down bumpers.
In attempt to reach forth to catch myself,
I find it impossible to extend my arms.
No matter.
I land with a light padded thud.

On my feet,
Again with the same childlike drive as before,
One foot before the other,
I take off in full on sprint..
Goofy look upon my face,
Tongue extended to its limit,
I aim with tenacity,
For the closest sweetness of a red lollipop.
As I reach it I am stopped,
Dead in my tracks.
Tongue, a millimeter removed
From sweet successful contact,
I recieve instead
The 'no taste' of invisible force field.
And as I'm shaken violently
From a thorazine induced trance,
My brilliantly colored,
Happy place of a world shrinks,
Down to an uncomfortable
8x8 padded cell.
"GOD DAMNIT!!" I scream,
My nose still itching like a mofo..
Unable to receive sweet relief
From just one go over with my
'Restrained in the happy jacket' finger.
Fuck...

Intricate B

[DontBelong]

I like the contrast between the dream and reality. I'm sure the display picture influenced this opinion but it does have an upbeat twistedness to it

[Intricate B]

I like the contrast between the dream and reality. I'm sure the display picture influenced this opinion but it does have an upbeat twistedness to it

A lot of my work is dark and twisted..
Though this one was a bit more upbeat..

[RyanRader13]

I love this one. its very different and new. Its not the stale long lost love poetry. Its an exciting twist on reality and one could arue that the ending shock was too drastic and that some of the words and setting were a bit clashy but that is my favorite thing about it. the vivid imagery and emotions of excitement and anticipation perfectly opened the door to slam the reader into the brick wall of insanity. very good consideration of the audience but with the balls to make them uncomfortable. Many say that the use of curse words are to make up for a lack of vocabulary and in some cases like rappers and rednecks this has the possibility of truth but for someone who can use fuck to paint a picture its unlimitedly effective. I give you thumbs up good sir I hope to see more of your works I feel we have alot in common

[Intricate B]

I love this one. its very different and new. Its not the stale long lost love poetry. Its an exciting twist on reality and one could arue that the ending shock was too drastic and that some of the words and setting were a bit clashy but that is my favorite thing about it. the vivid imagery and emotions of excitement and anticipation perfectly opened the door to slam the reader into the brick wall of insanity. very good consideration of the audience but with the balls to make them uncomfortable. Many say that the use of curse words are to make up for a lack of vocabulary and in some cases like rappers and rednecks this has the possibility of truth but for someone who can use fuck to paint a picture its unlimitedly effective. I give you thumbs up good sir I hope to see more of your works I feel we have alot in common

I greatly appreciate you putting time into this critique, as well as the compliments perceived.
I am a man who believes that once you quit learning, you might as well die.
So as not to be speaking out the side of my neck, I've made it a point to download dictionaries, and apps for expanding my vocabulary, specifically descriptive words..
So, when I throw in fuck? It kind of meshes..
I like to try to have sort of ying yang effect in my newer work.
Action and reaction if you will..
For every good, there's equal bad.
And since, the majority of this one is positive-ish, it had to have a bigger, negative recoil.

---

I love this one. its very different and new. Its not the stale long lost love poetry. Its an exciting twist on reality and one could arue that the ending shock was too drastic and that some of the words and setting were a bit clashy but that is my favorite thing about it. the vivid imagery and emotions of excitement and anticipation perfectly opened the door to slam the reader into the brick wall of insanity. very good consideration of the audience but with the balls to make them uncomfortable. Many say that the use of curse words are to make up for a lack of vocabulary and in some cases like rappers and rednecks this has the possibility of truth but for someone who can use fuck to paint a picture its unlimitedly effective. I give you thumbs up good sir I hope to see more of your works I feel we have alot in common

I greatly appreciate you putting time into this critique, as well as the compliments perceived.
I am a man who believes that once you quit learning, you might as well die.
So as not to be speaking out the side of my neck, I've made it a point to download dictionaries, and apps for expanding my vocabulary, specifically descriptive words..
So, when I throw in fuck? It kind of meshes..
I like to try to have sort of ying yang effect in my newer work.
Action and reaction if you will..
For every good, there's equal bad.
And since, the majority of this one is positive-ish, it had to have a bigger, negative recoil.