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I am stuck on symbolism in this -- given that these are probably my two favourite novels of all time. Aslan was sacrificed and not resurrected in LOTF, when the tribes killed Simon the mystic. That failure to return led to the inferno. Things are much more profound when you collide two parables.
It could be worse
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I'm going to try a variation of the idea you raise out Leanne. I really like it.
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson
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I have no idea whether you could weave it in here or build another poem out of it... but I'm watching eagerly. I'd say there's a fair bit of potential to be teased out over a series of poems.
It could be worse
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Think the edit is great. Agree that leanne's suggestion is inspired and think it has cemented / linked the two threads of the story together and given it a whole new dynamic.
Would also be keen to see any further work along the lines of building on this concept / idea.
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This is an area I need to work on. I've noticed in the last year especially that I get good concepts but don't push them as far as I should. I appreciate workshpping providing that prod. Thank you both.
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson