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I wrote "I love you" across my whole body
just so you can see that I actually do.
I used a blue pen, and it seems it won't go away.
With every shower it slowly dissapears,
making my heart fall out,
like a piece of Edcora red,
crashing on the ground.
But there are still marks.
Today, there's just a small blue dot right bellow the belly,
And water in the shower is getting cold.
Yep, I'm awesome at making signatures too, be jealous :p
![[Image: ZHB2W.jpg]](http://i.imgur.com/ZHB2W.jpg)
I take photos of my favorite actresses and news reporters in the shower with me so that won't happen.
Maybe next time you could try getting engaged to the Witch of the East.
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(10-03-2013, 06:38 AM)Sonata Wrote: I wrote "I love you" across my whole body
just so you can see that I actually do.
I used a blue pen, and it seems it won't go away.
With every shower it slowly dissapears,
But there are still marks.
Today, there's just a small blue dot right bellow the belly,
And water in the shower is getting cold.
I'm not very sure where this poem is going. I thought of the blue pen as possibly you writing in blood since blood is blue before it comes in contact with oxygen. But that doesn't seem to be the case. I'm beginning to think I understand, after rereading several times, but don't want to give a second incorrect interpretation. Thanks for making me think about how it all comes together, it challenged my simple mind. My critique on the matter would be that, even though this poem is a good length and concise, I would like to see maybe one to two more lines added to each stanza in order to elaborate, but then again, that's probably me not seeing the concept right underneath my nose.
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Ty very much, the answer actually is right underneath ur nose. This is a quite simple poem, everything is literally written as it is, this is what happened, I tried to impress that one girl, and I wrote I love you across my whole body so she can actually see that I want her back, but the point is last stanza, even though there's just one dot left, it represents the small part of love which can't go away, while water in the shower getting cold represents me having to leave the shower - not cleaning it; completing it.
Yep, I'm awesome at making signatures too, be jealous :p
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(10-06-2013, 06:31 PM)Sonata Wrote: Ty very much, the answer actually is right underneath ur nose. This is a quite simple poem, everything is literally written as it is, this is what happened, I tried to impress that one girl, and I wrote I love you across my whole body so she can actually see that I want her back, but the point is last stanza, even though there's just one dot left, it represents the small part of love which can't go away, while water in the shower getting cold represents me having to leave the shower - not cleaning it; completing it.
Thank you for the clarification
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(10-03-2013, 06:38 AM)Sonata Wrote: I wrote "I love you" across my whole body
just so you can see that I actually do.
I used a blue pen, and it seems it won't go away.
With every shower it slowly dissapears,
But there are still marks.
Today, there's just a small blue dot right bellow the belly,
And water in the shower is getting cold.
I keep coming back to this poem and the title grabbed me from the off, I like the idea behind those silly thing we do just to impress although in this case it's quite sad the last line deepens the feeling, very much enjoyed. Best TOMH
If your undies fer you've been smoking through em, don't peg em out
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(10-03-2013, 06:38 AM)Sonata Wrote: I wrote "I love you" across my whole bodyRemove "whole"
just so you can see that I actually do.
I used a blue pen, and it seems it won't go away.Great opening
With every shower it slowly dissapears,
But there are still marks.Reword or delete this stanza
Today, there's just a small blue dot right bellow the belly,
And water in the shower is getting cold."And the water"? Typo?
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The metering is a bit off but I agree that its simple and straightforward, which can be refreshing. for the second stanza I actually suggest lenthening it with details that invoke the emotion
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Ty Ryan, I've followed ur advice and improved the second stanza.
Ty all 
Yep, I'm awesome at making signatures too, be jealous :p
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I like the message very much - only nit is that I would prefer a more "metered" approach. It's a bit choppy when read out loud (at least the way I read it). Thanks for sharing. I like it!
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(This is one of those 'jeeezus i love it' replies.)
Jeeezus I love it!
a brightly colored fungus that grows in bark inclusions
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i think i'm in jeezus mods as well.
it works as is for me, the last couplet seals the deal wit a period :J:
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(10-03-2013, 06:38 AM)Sonata Wrote: I wrote "I love you" across my whole body
just so you can see that I actually do.
I used a blue pen, and it seems it won't go away.
With every shower it slowly dissapears,
making my heart fall out,
like a piece of Edcora red,
crashing on the ground.
But there are still marks.
Today, there's just a small blue dot right bellow the belly,
And water in the shower is getting cold. Hi sonata, yes...I love it too..but SPELL disappears correctly for gawd's sake!!!
Best,
tectak
So this is my first response so please bear with me.
I really like this one.
Immediately while reading it, I saw the story playing out in my head. I saw you writing "I love you" on yourself, and the anticipation of the person seeing it made you both excited and nervous. Such a daring display makes you very vulnerable.
And the ending, (trying not to sound creepy) it's like I could see you in the shower, looking down sadly at the mark and all the emotion that single dot still held.
Love poems are awesome. Even if they are heartbreaking.
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