3,320.75 Miles

[Malu]

As each day goes by
The separation takes its toll down my eye
I just wish you were here
Because then you could wipe away each tear
Yearning for your touch
Oh, how I miss you so much
Like a duckling away from its mother
I sit here alone without my lover

The distance is great
But not as great as fate
Oh, how I cannot wait
Soon to be reunited
You're my lighthouse ignited
With a spark of passion
You make me want to be a better man with every action
No matter how far away
My love for you will never stray
Because you are my path of light
And I will never give up on this fight
Even in the darkest of nights
I can see you clearly insight
Like a soldier returning from war
I will come home for your love evermore

And this will sound very cliché
But I couldn't put it any other way
You're my other half
The beauty of duality at last
Like the moon and the sun
You and I are one
Living my life without you just couldn't be done

What's so great about sunny weather for outdoors
If you haven't seen it rain before
But with you everyday is beautiful
Because you are, and that's irrefutable

You're more radiant than any sunrise
Especially when you smile, I can see it in your lustrous brown eyes
And your snowy white teeth
So rare, the ocean thinks you're a thief
And it's right, you were searching for the ultimate heist
My heart, you had become enticed
Luckily enough, it sufficed
Along with your flowing hair
Trying to resist you is just unfair
With your skin so soft, I can't help but surrender
You're the biggest blessing in my life that I can commend for
And beneath that, your nature leaves me breathless
Only comparable to Athena, whose probably jealous

Just like the turtle dove
You and I have mated for life, and love
I always thought of myself as a lone wolf
But we've made a pack stronger than a diamond in the rough
Our love will continue to endure
And soar above the clouds amongst the condors
Much like the swans
When it comes to us staying together I have no qualms

I'll be home soon I promise
Then we can finally snuggle together in our pajamas
Because I miss your warmth and your embrace
And I long to touch you and kiss your face
You might not know it, but you're my saving grace

You take a few walls, windows and some space
And you make it more than some place
You make this house a home
And no matter where I am
I'll always hear your heartbeat and know that I'm never alone

[ChristopherSea]

I am on my weekly rounds of visiting the forgotten poem. This one takes the cake at over 2,100 views and zero reponses. You would think that one out of over 2,000 could have said something. I hope you were not shooting for 3,320.75 views without comment. It is a nice tribute to Hawaii (? I assume). There is no place like home, is there?

[bena]

I am on my weekly rounds of visiting the forgotten poem. This one takes the cake at over 2,100 views and zero reponses. You would think that one out of over 2,000 could have said something. I hope you were not shooting for 3,320.75 views without comment. It is a nice tribute to Hawaii (? I assume). There is no place like home, is there?

I know the reason....ppl don't respond to long poems. Its sad, but true.

I really loved the imagery, and really felt your longing. Good job here.

bena.

[Malu]

I am on my weekly rounds of visiting the forgotten poem. This one takes the cake at over 2,100 views and zero reponses. You would think that one out of over 2,000 could have said something. I hope you were not shooting for 3,320.75 views without comment. It is a nice tribute to Hawaii (? I assume). There is no place like home, is there?

I know the reason....ppl don't respond to long poems. Its sad, but true.

I really loved the imagery, and really felt your longing. Good job here.

bena.

Thanks bena

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I am on my weekly rounds of visiting the forgotten poem. This one takes the cake at over 2,100 views and zero reponses. You would think that one out of over 2,000 could have said something. I hope you were not shooting for 3,320.75 views without comment. It is a nice tribute to Hawaii (? I assume). There is no place like home, is there?

You know what happens when you assume right? hahaha so no, your assumption about this poem being about Hawaii is incorrect. Thanks for commenting

[ChristopherSea]

Who cares where it is, it's your special place, right?

[billy]

I am on my weekly rounds of visiting the forgotten poem. This one takes the cake at over 2,100 views and zero reponses. You would think that one out of over 2,000 could have said something. I hope you were not shooting for 3,320.75 views without comment. It is a nice tribute to Hawaii (? I assume). There is no place like home, is there?

I know the reason....ppl don't respond to long poems. Its sad, but true.

I really loved the imagery, and really felt your longing. Good job here.

bena.

i read it all the way through a couple of times. i refused to to say "i didn't think much of it" because it's in the for fun forum and i don't see how a negative remark here does any good. poets shouldn't really expect feedback in the for fun forum and miscellaneous unless it's asked for; and if it's asked for why not post it in one of the feedback forums :J:

[bena]

Has to be an east coast to west coast thing, given the miles. Mayhap it is Florida. I'm thinking Pensacola.

[milo]

There aren't an actual 2000 views it is a glitch that occurred when billy "fixed" the site

Also, the writing is just awful but it seems impolite to mention it in "fun".

[Malu]

Who cares where it is, it's your special place, right?

it's not even a place....so ok then haha

---

I am on my weekly rounds of visiting the forgotten poem. This one takes the cake at over 2,100 views and zero reponses. You would think that one out of over 2,000 could have said something. I hope you were not shooting for 3,320.75 views without comment. It is a nice tribute to Hawaii (? I assume). There is no place like home, is there?

I know the reason....ppl don't respond to long poems. Its sad, but true.

I really loved the imagery, and really felt your longing. Good job here.

bena.

i read it all the way through a couple of times. i refused to to say "i didn't think much of it" because it's in the for fun forum and i don't see how a negative remark here does any good. poets shouldn't really expect feedback in the for fun forum and miscellaneous unless it's asked for; and if it's asked for why not post it in one of the feedback forums :J:

thanks billy, I'm glad a moderator stepped in to shed some light on the matter

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Has to be an east coast to west coast thing, given the miles. Mayhap it is Florida. I'm thinking Pensacola.

Well it's not haha, good interpretation though

---

There aren't an actual 2000 views it is a glitch that occurred when billy "fixed" the site

Also, the writing is just awful but it seems impolite to mention it in "fun".

And yet you still mentioned it, thanks for always giving your two cents milo

[Malu]

There aren't an actual 2000 views it is a glitch that occurred when billy "fixed" the site

Also, the writing is just awful but it seems impolite to mention it in "fun".

It's actually pretty funny, I originally posted this poem in this poetry for fun forum, and then I later decided I did in fact want critique, so I posted this exact same poem in the novice poem and critique. Feel free to go there to express yourself however you would like I think that forum is a much more appropriate place for "impolite to mention" comments, even though that didn't really stop you here, but then again I could never understand the rules as clearly as such an established moderator. Keep up the great work

[billy]

settle down people, this is fort fun


and the glitch is relevant because it's misleading. i have no idea how to put it right

[Malu]

settle down people, this is fort fun


and the glitch is relevant because it's misleading. i have no idea how to put it right

I'm rather having fun and this glitch doesn't seem like a big deal if all it does is miscalculate the views of poems, but then again maybe I don't know the entirety of this glitch.

[billy]

back to 11 views

[Malu]

back to 11 views

ok? this poem still displays over 2,000 on my screen though

[bena]

yup with Malu on that....it's something like 2299

[Leanne]

I have moved this poem from "fun" to the novice critique section to avoid double posting. Critique as appropriate/ admin

[Malu]

I have moved this poem from "fun" to the novice critique section to avoid double posting. Critique as appropriate/ admin

Thank you, now in this forum, I welcome critique

[ChristopherSea]

Sure you do!

[Malu]

Sure you do!

I do chris, for many reasons, critique actually helps. Who knew that by someone commenting helpful feedback would actually be helpful oppose to someone who just comments "I am on my weekly rounds of visiting the forgotten poem. This one takes the cake at over 2,100 views and zero reponses. You would think that one out of over 2,000 could have said something. I hope you were not shooting for 3,320.75 views without comment." with intent on just making fun. So once again, I appreciate your sarcasm and comments, they are always so wonderful!

[Leanne]

OK folks, let's move on. Malu, when Chris originally commented your thread was in a non-critique forum and he was just being polite. Now it's in a critique forum, so let's behave as such -- that goes for everyone. Thanks/ admin