10-7-13

[#Caillou]

That 4 letter word is back
I want you to shut up
I want you to speak up
I want you to get out
I need you to stay
That 4 letter word
better fucking stay
on the tip of my tongue

[Wjames]

That 4 letter word is back
I want you to shut up
I want you to speak up
I want you to get out
I need you to stay
That 4 letter word
better fucking stay
on the tip of my tongue

Interesting little poem, the song "love is just a four letter word" may have influenced my interpretation of this however. The only suggestions I have would be to change the "want" in the third line to need (I need you to speak up), so as to further show the difference between wants and needs. I'd also consider trying to think of a title that will tell something to the reader, rather than a date only you know the significance of. Adding punctuation is also a good way to clarify the flow/rhythm of your poem on a page to someone reading it, but this poem's short enough that it doesn't really need it.

[Keith]

I found this very interesting, I read it as an angry producer speaking to a boy band pacing up and down frustrated at having to bite his tongue because he knows they are crap but they will make money. However I suspect your muse is being in a relationship again, I'm not sure the lack of punctuation works or why you chose to use an expletive as anger doesn't seem to fit with holding back. Hope this makes sense. Thanks for the read.TOMH