Here we go,

[Malu]

yes this is a simple poem about being in this poetry for fun forum

Must be nice
To be free of critique
At least that's what I came here for

No longer confined by bars
As my spoon dug tunnel proves to succeed
The light of day shines heavenly
The gates of welcome beckon

I make my way there
Soaring over mountains of hurtful words
Traveling away from it all
Through valleys of critique
And over the uneasy sea
Through even minds denser than a jungle
There was the toughest to get by
Judgmental jaguars pounced
And burden bears followed
Along with lashing leopards
All the while as an obnoxious tarsier sits back and laughs
Packing a sting sometimes worse than a poison dart frog
But not nearly as fatal
More of a little prick to the finger
Then there was a tiger lacking stripes
No, not lacking courage
Lacking the other color, the other side, balance
A big cat with a rather small brain
Its mind only focused on the black, and not the white
Oblivious to the deer passing before it's eyes
It continues to starve
Searching for anything to consume
It makes the ultimate mistake

I continue on my path
Still embarked for the gates of light
With a few more scars than I bargained for
I have arrived

[tectak]

Writing for fun
Must be nice
To be free of critique
At least that's what I came here for

No longer confined by bars
As my spoon dug tunnel proves to succeed
The light of day shines heavenly
The gates of welcome beckon

I make my way there
Soaring over mountains of hurtful words
Traveling away from it all
Through valleys of critique
And over the uneasy sea
Through even minds denser than a jungle
There was the toughest to get by
Judgmental jaguars pounced
And burden bears followed
Along with lashing leopards
All the while as an obnoxious tarsier sits back and laughs
Packing a sting sometimes worse than a poison dart frog
But not nearly as fatal
More of a little prick to the finger
Then there was a tiger lacking stripes
No, not lacking courage
Lacking the other color, the other side, balance
A big cat with a rather small brain
It's mind only focused on the black, and not the white
Oblivious to the deer passing before it's eyes
It continues to starve
Searching for anything to consume
It's make the ultimate mistake

Near perfection in every area. Beyond crit in my opinion. The last line is a bit flaky, though.
Best,
tectak

[ChristopherSea]

I enjoyed all of the fire and spit in this poem. You have a lot of images and quick metaphors. The tiger was my favorite one. Since you are already doing it, I would make that 'is nice' in your opener. Do you mean 'until it makes the ultimate mistake' in your closer. Keep writing in this style!

[Malu]

Writing for fun
Must be nice
To be free of critique
At least that's what I came here for

No longer confined by bars
As my spoon dug tunnel proves to succeed
The light of day shines heavenly
The gates of welcome beckon

I make my way there
Soaring over mountains of hurtful words
Traveling away from it all
Through valleys of critique
And over the uneasy sea
Through even minds denser than a jungle
There was the toughest to get by
Judgmental jaguars pounced
And burden bears followed
Along with lashing leopards
All the while as an obnoxious tarsier sits back and laughs
Packing a sting sometimes worse than a poison dart frog
But not nearly as fatal
More of a little prick to the finger
Then there was a tiger lacking stripes
No, not lacking courage
Lacking the other color, the other side, balance
A big cat with a rather small brain
It's mind only focused on the black, and not the white
Oblivious to the deer passing before it's eyes
It continues to starve
Searching for anything to consume
It's make the ultimate mistake

Near perfection in every area. Beyond crit in my opinion. The last line is a bit flaky, though.
Best,
tectak

Wow! Thanks! That's the nicest comment I've received. As for the last line, I was trying to say how the tiger's hunger, because it didn't eat the sufficient deer (also a very preferred food source of the tiger diet), basically drove it to eat anything, whatever it saw first, regardless. So kind of along the lines of it making that mistake, by eating something fatal, i.e. a poison dart frog or something else in the jungle that could take down a tiger, which is the beauty of it, because tigers are top predators of the jungle, so for that to happen, it really plays on the tiger just not being smart and making the "ultimate mistake" which I used with the same meaning as "ultimate sacrifice" implying death, but this wasn't an honorable death because it wasn't a sacrifice. It was simply the tiger paying for it's obliviousness and rather ignorance, with sadly, it's life.

---

I enjoyed all of the fire and spit in this poem. You have a lot of images and quick metaphors. The tiger was my favorite one. Since you are already doing it, I would make that 'is nice' in your opener. Do you mean 'until it makes the ultimate mistake' in your closer. Keep writing in this style!

Thanks! Appreciate it, I took out the first line because it does sound better with your advice. And I didn't really mean to have an until there, but I can see how that would work. Thanks again!