Two Eggs

[shenaz]

Thanks alot. . Appreciated

[Izo]

Hi there

I'm new the to the site and what a site it is It didn't take long to discover some fine poetry. The simplicity in Two Eggs works well with the sexual and living in the moment theme. Being a novice myself im not sure if that was your intent. But a fine poem

[WordJunky]

"short" "sweet" and wheres the "Point"?
Very mildly descriptive, but i enjoyed its overall, punctuating firmness, from start to finish, quick. Just lacks a certain level of pertinent description, in which required for "Conclusive ending". maybe focus on a "point" of plot" and "Meaningful ending", maybe a by using a more descriptive by using a word with attributes related to dichotomy. More meaningful in short verse.

[Babeanew]

Hi,

Nice poem I quite like it, it is cute.
Personally I'd take out the we and the and,

The "we" because at "the heat is on" the reader is with the eggs in the action, the "we" brings back narration, and kind of forces a step back.

The "and" that's really a matter of taste, makes sense to me, as if this was the description of a boxing match.

Lastly I would had a verse either after "we splutter and curdle" or "two round eggs" because the ending seems to fall a little off.

Regards

Alex

[Mopkins]

Two Eggs

Two eggs in the pot
Two nice round eggs
The water is hot and the heat is on
We splutter and curdle
Two round eggs
In the heat of the moment -Shenaz


Two fatties having sex in a spa bath? That's the impression I got anyhow (they're round and in hot water) It also does sound a bit lesbian as they're both eggs.

I think line two could be taken out altogether - it's self-praising (the writer is saying that they and their partner are nice as well as round) and repetitive - it doesn't add anything new.

Line 3 might sound better reversed - 'the heat is on and the water is hot' -as the water being hot is a consequence of the heat being on.

Splutter and curdle to me both have negative connotations - you splutter if you're choking and something curdled is usually off and you wouldn't want to eat it. Eggs might splutter and curdle but people having sex don't. (or am I uninformed again??) so the spluttering and curdling can only be applied to the eggs, not to the people-represented-as-eggs.

That aside, I enjoyed your cute little romantic poem - well done.

[California]

I'm afraid I can't catch the rhythm, primarily because of the last line. It sounds a little bit like haiku and it makes this easy joky thing a philosophical deep poem and I don't think this mood fits it.

[kindofahippy]

A nice, succinct little poem here. The only change I see to improve it is to lessen the use of "two", it's two repetitive. Also, "two round eggs" towards the end makes this sound like the encounter of an overweight lesbian couple, don't know if that's the intended reading or not.

[Robert9614]

I also didn't get the sex allusion on the first few readings so maybe something could be done to clarify that. Although it's possible to chalk it up to me being dense

Forgive me if I'm wrong, but curdled eggs are bad, right? So were you trying to convey something going wrong "in the heat of the moment" that caused them to curdle? Maybe adding something about what went wrong (if that's what you meant) could help.

I really like the simplicity of this though. There's a real warmth to the tone of the poem, which perfectly reflects both the cooking of eggs and intimate sex. The short lines also excellently emphasise the simple sex you were going for here.

Good job!

[Willpark]

This poem is short and but not quite to the point, which is good. I detect hints of sexual connotation, and upon reading some of the other posts, I see this was your intention. Be sure to make this a bit more explicit.
Likewise, "the water is hot and the heat is on" I can tell aren't two phrases that mean the same thing, but they are very similar, so try to make them more different. Interesting poem.

[RiverNotch]

Two eggs in the pot
Two nice round eggs
The water is hot and the heat is on
We splutter and curdle
Two round eggs
In the heat of the moment

Clean, clear, and with the right mindset, hot: if your intent was to show the pleasures of sex, your poem's spot on! It's quick and light, the perfect qualities of a humping-poem: become too heavy and it'll start to sicken; but at the same time, it bears much fruit, as in its simplicity it achieves a quality of ubiquity.

A question, though, on the aforementioned qualities of the poem: did the speaker, through imbuing these traits into the poem, imply that they were the characteristics of sex that she or he thinks are most pleasurable? And on a rather unrelated note, what exactly did inspire into you the imagery of eggs? The imagery, by the way, is another brilliant thing about this poem: it adds another layer of meaning. I personally interpreted the eggs as symbols of fertility, that the speaker, in his/her pssion, forgot not the true purpose of sex, or saw himself/herself as, at his/her core, the very image of sex; however, Mopkins's interpretation, that this could be pertaining to a lesbian relationship, is I think a much better interpretation: anyway, this once again shows how good the poem's simplicity is!

[constellation]

I actually like that you start multiple sentences with "two." It gives the piece a sense of theme and nicely reinforces that theme.

[shenaz]

Thank you constellation

[bbcashdollar]

Two eggs in the pot
nice round eggs
The water is hot
We splutter and curdle
In the heat of the moment

Interesting. It feels like a sensual poem from a settled home-like place. I took the liberty of editing. See above. Thanks.

[SuicidalBlueJay]

Two eggs in the pot
Two nice round eggs
The water is hot and the heat is on
We splutter and curdle
Two round eggs
In the heat of the moment

This is one of the few poems that I like, that doesn't have a set rhythmic pattern! And I love the simplicity of it. Well done shenaz

[newsclippings]

Two eggs in the pot
Two nice round eggs
The water is hot and the heat is on
We splutter and curdle
Two round eggs
In the heat of the moment

Leave it as it. This one's a gem.

[Igor]

Two eggs in the pot
Two nice round eggs
The water is hot and the heat is on
We splutter and curdle
Two round eggs
In the heat of the moment

Nice and simple. Very clear picture, but it's kind of not clear what are you trying to convey. 
At least , this is my perception

Thanks