Response To Taint(ed) Love (edit #3)
#21
The thing with editing is after you correct the obvious things you need to put it down for at least a month. I've heard it said, not sure of the source, that until you have that distance you view the piece like the writer. You need the time to view it as a reader.

When it's done too quickly editing becomes the writer trying to fix the poem, instead of the reader noticing things.

Just some thoughts.
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson
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#22
i agree, it's at that stage where you deed to stand back.
a few small words could be removed and i think rowens has a point in saying it's lost a little of its poetry. put it away for a month or so and have a silent edit without feedback to see what's what Smile well done so far.
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#23
I think I might do one more edit, because I want my old poem back. Smile I think some of the new imagery is better, but maybe not.

dilated artery vs thin tubular tether.

I dumped it based on the too much alliteration, but I still see a thin tubular tether. I don't go looking for alliteration, I guess I just like the sounds of the words in my head and they come out that way. Any opinions on whether dilated artery is better or worse?

I took out leaden feet while weeding out cliches but is cement shoes just as bad or worse?

Yaaahhhh, I know this is why you are suggesting a break. Smile
billy wrote:welcome to the site. make it your own, wear it like a well loved slipper and wear it out. ella pleads:please click forum titles for posting guidelines, important threads. New poet? Try Poetic DevicesandWard's Tips

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#24
Whew, I'm done for now.

A giant thanks to all of you who have been so generous with your time and so willing to poke and prod this meager poem.

I've surely taken all your comments to heart, and they still poke and prod as I edit new work. This thread has been a great learning experience for me.

I've returned to the original with a few changes that I hope are an improvement. I missed my old poem, tis what it tis.

Big Grinbig hug
billy wrote:welcome to the site. make it your own, wear it like a well loved slipper and wear it out. ella pleads:please click forum titles for posting guidelines, important threads. New poet? Try Poetic DevicesandWard's Tips

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