Right and Wrong

[blueforest10]

Hello,
This is my first piece of poetry and English is my third language. I hope it makes sense. I am afraid I won't make any sense. Anyways, here it is...

Some background: We as humans, take actions, cause things to "happen". And then there is the effect of our action. The society perceives our action as either right or wrong, and they judge our results to be either reward or punishment. I hate this whole spectrum of judgment and morality.

_____________________________________

Right or wrong is right and wrong
But the world only sees two sides of a coin
Afraid they are, of this chaos,
Hiding behind false certainty

I wonder if the tried to see,
The essence of life in uncertainty.
How is it that they cannot see,
The darkness in uniformity.

So let my freewill guide me to love and courage and misery
Even in my deathbed, I am free.

[rowens]

It seems to be only a scrape on a surface. There are some problems with the lines, line by line, but I'm told not to do that in Novice.

[tectak]

Hello,
This is my first piece of poetry and English is my third language. I hope it makes sense. I am afraid I won't make any sense. Anyways, here it is...

Some background: We as humans, take actions, cause things to "happen". And then there is the effect of our action. The society perceives our action as either right or wrong, and they judge our results to be either reward or punishment. I hate this whole spectrum of judgment and morality.
Hi blue,
Yes....there are problems. Accepting the language difficulty why not post it in your native tongue and let us loose with our translators...it can do no further damage?
Just commenting on your strange phraseology probably will not help a great deal but you should be made aware of the translational losses, hence the line by line crit. I hope you find it useful as it is not considered good form to so crit in Novice but I will risk it.
Please read and make sure you understand the forum rules. You must post crit on someone else's submission before posting poetry of your own. As you have not done so one can make the sympathetic observation that you have difficulty reading english as well as writing it.
Best,
tectak

_____________________________________

Right or wrong is right and wrong Well, actually, this is illogical and in boolean terms is a nonsense. The expressed "idea" is just not clear
But the world only sees two sides of a coin That's because there are "only" two sides...so again, it makes no sense.
Afraid they are, of this chaos, Who are they and what chaos? You do not say
Hiding behind false certainty False certainty does not work except as a pseudo-profound film title, like True Lies...and not even then

I wonder if the tried to see, Basic error. Fix it yourself. I am surprised you haven't already but you may have done a runner (checking your excuse on the language issue
The essence of life in uncertainty.
How is it that they cannot see,
The darkness in uniformity Now I agree with your opening comment. You are right to worry. It makes no sense at all. Are you Navaho?

So let my freewill guide me to love and courage and misery
Even in my deathbed, I am free. This ending is the nearest I have seen to an explanation of what the grateful dead means

Do not give up. Though I have no idea what all this is trying to say I must assume that you do...and if YOU do, then the odds are good that someone else may. Tip: Read more poetry.
Best,
tectak
(There are more problems not touched on but I am not convinced they are as a result of your limited language abilty. Your response to this crit may provide me with more insight)

[Reilley]

Language issues aside, good for you. This is far more lucid than I would be in your place.

I think that right and wrong can be both at once, as you imply, but as mentioned, currently it does not make this plain.

Instead of a coin, Perhaps a more apt metaphor might be a circle, with two sides, inside and outside.

We do tend to rely on "facts" so we do not have to think about things like random death, and monsters under the bed. You got that part right.

Lastly, I might suggest that the essence of life IS uncertainty, this is one big way we are unique, and can avoid uniformity.

Bravo for you, keep on writing, questioning and editing.

[blueforest10]

Thank you everyone for all your critisicm. I could not have done it myself. Now that you have brought to light my glaring errors, I will know what to avoid.
Thank You

[tectak]

Thank you everyone for all your critisicm. I could not have done it myself. Now that you have brought to light my glaring errors, I will know what to avoid.
Thank You

Good egg, to quote the Curate. You may have to google that
Best,
tectak