Sound

[sunspeak17]

My first time posting anywhere...


Composers themselves could not have given a deeper love—
Sounds have paled as centuries allow
Yet grandmother keys will bear blossoms
Of ebony melodies catching pearly bruises as they drift
To the dewey ground
Sinking to the bottom of ringlet-ridden lakes.
Barking foxes drink from these lakes—
And the resurrected notes rise to polish thorns.

[rowens]

Composers doesn't need an apostrophe; dewy doesn't need an extra e.

Sounds have paled as centuries allow is a hard line; but I don't know if you know that. If you do, I think it's fine.
In that spirit, I like how you describe discordant things through the end of the poem. How they can be absorbed and incorporated into traditional music. How they can make a new music.

[ellajam]

My first time posting anywhere...


Composers themselves could not have given a deeper love—
Sounds have paled as centuries allow
Yet grandmother keys will bear blossoms
Of ebony melodies catching pearly bruises as they drift
To the dewey ground
Sinking to the bottom of ringlet-ridden lakes.
Barking foxes drink from these lakes—
And the resurrected notes rise to polish thorns.

Hi, sunspeak, your first post, my first critique , here goes.

I love the theme, but it loses me sometimes. "Ringlet-ridden" implies they're a bad thing, rain? stones? Neither bad in my book. Dewy ground didn't hit me, I liked "barking foxes drink" but could have done without "from these lakes". I grew to like the resurrection/thorn thing on the 4th read.

Thanks for the poem, that was fun.

[Leanne]

Please familiarise yourself with the site rules -- you may not post your own poem until you have left meaningful feedback on other posts/ admin