The Apple

[Malu]

What comes to mind when you hear the word Apple?

New York?
A red fruit?
Kissing up to the teacher?
A tree?
Keeping the doctor away?
Adam's throat?
An ipod? or Macbook?

When I hear the word Apple
I first see the fruit
A nice, shiny, succulent Apple
It lures me in with its grace
I take my first bite

And then I remember
I really don't care for Apples
Yet, I take another bite
And another
I finish the Apple

[milo]

I don't know if I would really consider this a poem. Watch what happens when we remove the line breaks

What comes to mind when you hear the word Apple?
New York? A red fruit? Kissing up to the teacher? A tree? Keeping the doctor away? Adam's throat? When I hear the word Apple I first see the fruit A nice, shiny, succulent Apple It lures me in with its grace I take my first biteAnd then I remember I really don't care for Apples Yet, I take another bite And anotherI finish the Apple

Yep, it is just poorly written prose. Poetry is not poorly written prose with line breaks.

[btrudo]

The question is provocative, so I think the apple's core is good here. You have at the play the idea of connotation and well-worn phrases contrasted with the actual physical nature of the apple (and also the question why do we do things we don't entirely enjoy). It's something worth pursuing.

Opening question is good, could it be worded better? Perhaps

The next stanza is where you can have some fun with the expected.
A tree in Adam's throat? Red fruit caught in New York?
Perhaps smooching the teacher to keep the doctor away?

In the next stanza, perhaps you need less gloss...
When I hear the word apple, I see the fruit,
succulent and shiny, luring me to bite.

In the last, you could simplify it some and then perhaps a twist.
And then I remember I don't like apples,
Yet, I take another bite and try to forget.

so putting it together (and take the end and put it the title...it's a trick I like to use)...

Finishing the Apple

What comes to mind when you hear the word Apple?

A tree in Adam's throat? Red fruit caught in New York?
Perhaps smooching the teacher to keep the doctor away?

When I hear the word apple, I see the fruit,
succulent and shiny, luring me to bite. I do.

Then I remember I don't like apples,
yet, I take another bite and try to forget.

...
not that this would be complete...I would think more rhythm would be appropriate here.

Like I said, you have a good core, use it. Keep at it. Also please ignore my take; that's me, but not you.

a few thoughts,
Bill

What comes to mind when you hear the word Apple?

New York?
A red fruit?
Kissing up to the teacher?
A tree?
Keeping the doctor away?
Adam's throat?

When I hear the word Apple
I first see the fruit
A nice, shiny, succulent Apple
It lures me in with its grace
I take my first bite

And then I remember
I really don't care for Apples
Yet, I take another bite
And another
I finish the Apple

[Malu]

I don't know if I would really consider this a poem. Watch what happens when we remove the line breaks

What comes to mind when you hear the word Apple?
New York? A red fruit? Kissing up to the teacher? A tree? Keeping the doctor away? Adam's throat? When I hear the word Apple I first see the fruit A nice, shiny, succulent Apple It lures me in with its grace I take my first biteAnd then I remember I really don't care for Apples Yet, I take another bite And anotherI finish the Apple

Yep, it is just poorly written prose. Poetry is not poorly written prose with line breaks.

Ok, that's your opinion, you're entitled to it. However, in my opinion, there is more of a meaning if you look beyond the words and understand the message. Thanks though

---

The question is provocative, so I think the apple's core is good here. You have at the play the idea of connotation and well-worn phrases contrasted with the actual physical nature of the apple (and also the question why do we do things we don't entirely enjoy). It's something worth pursuing.

Opening question is good, could it be worded better? Perhaps

The next stanza is where you can have some fun with the expected.
A tree in Adam's throat? Red fruit caught in New York?
Perhaps smooching the teacher to keep the doctor away?

In the next stanza, perhaps you need less gloss...
When I hear the word apple, I see the fruit,
succulent and shiny, luring me to bite.

In the last, you could simplify it some and then perhaps a twist.
And then I remember I don't like apples,
Yet, I take another bite and try to forget.

so putting it together (and take the end and put it the title...it's a trick I like to use)...

Finishing the Apple

What comes to mind when you hear the word Apple?

A tree in Adam's throat? Red fruit caught in New York?
Perhaps smooching the teacher to keep the doctor away?

When I hear the word apple, I see the fruit,
succulent and shiny, luring me to bite. I do.

Then I remember I don't like apples,
yet, I take another bite and try to forget.

...
not that this would be complete...I would think more rhythm would be appropriate here.

Like I said, you have a good core, use it. Keep at it. Also please ignore my take; that's me, but not you.

a few thoughts,
Bill

What comes to mind when you hear the word Apple?

New York?
A red fruit?
Kissing up to the teacher?
A tree?
Keeping the doctor away?
Adam's throat?

When I hear the word Apple
I first see the fruit
A nice, shiny, succulent Apple
It lures me in with its grace
I take my first bite

And then I remember
I really don't care for Apples
Yet, I take another bite
And another
I finish the Apple

No, your take is good. The input you gave me along with positive feedback and constructive opinions really helps. Thanks for taking time to help me improve my poetry.

[secretkeeper]

Interesting piece. I rather enjoyed it. Free form, very nice. No need to constrict yourself. Although I might not have understood the message (truly a novice critic lol) I did enjoy what you may have been trying to convey in this piece.

[Elsie Fillmore]

I like the tone shift in the last stanza as if you're aware of losing track of the present moment. Other than that, I found the questions a bit obvious and the line about losing grace pretty, but too obscure and not very well drawn out.

[ScurryFunger]

What comes to mind when you hear the word Apple?

New York?
A red fruit?
Kissing up to the teacher?
A tree?
Keeping the doctor away?
Adam's throat?

When I hear the word Apple
I first see the fruit
A nice, shiny, succulent Apple
It lures me in with its grace
I take my first bite

And then I remember
I really don't care for Apples
Yet, I take another bite
And another
I finish the Apple

iphone, ipad, ipod, mac

I'm like that with pizza, always think I will like it cos it looks good, but then, after two or four bites...

[Malu]

Interesting piece. I rather enjoyed it. Free form, very nice. No need to constrict yourself. Although I might not have understood the message (truly a novice critic lol) I did enjoy what you may have been trying to convey in this piece.

I'm in the same boat haha, I am without a doubt a novice critic as well. But thank you for you feedback!

---

What comes to mind when you hear the word Apple?

New York?
A red fruit?
Kissing up to the teacher?
A tree?
Keeping the doctor away?
Adam's throat?

When I hear the word Apple
I first see the fruit
A nice, shiny, succulent Apple
It lures me in with its grace
I take my first bite

And then I remember
I really don't care for Apples
Yet, I take another bite
And another
I finish the Apple

iphone, ipad, ipod, mac

I'm like that with pizza, always think I will like it cos it looks good, but then, after two or four bites...

I completely forgot about apple products haha, nice contribution!