Ships Ahoy

[Savanna]

Sweet memories
adrift,
away at sea.

Sandcastles in my heart
slowly fade away,
lending themselves to
somewhere else in time..

Sunset bursts into colour,
Crimson rose
luscious pinks,
gathered by the sea...

As I reach out,
touch upon the silken colours,
I feel the earth move.

Ocean currents
submerse me,
Deep down
into the land
where light is barely visible...

Little creatures
some unknown to man,
swim ever so gently
through timeless seas.

Their light fragments
lead creatures, into places
never seen..

Foamy waters bubble up,
fillagree patterns take form.

Little air pockets brush upon them,
they ripple out to sea..

If only the sunset could be seen down here?
Imagine the excitement, as all creatures
transform their world and view anew...

Perhaps one day
they will leave their home,
rise up to the surface,
breathe in the colours
of the setting sun.

In a flash,
dive back down,
into the comfort of the seas blissful
place of quiet,
Immersed fully
in the crimson colours,
of the days ending.

[rowens]

lending themselves to
somewhere else in time..

and

As I reach out,
touch upon the silken colours


Lines like that are all right. They seem a little overwritten, but not too much. The poem just has that flavor. It's all done ever so gently: that flavor. Like it's just being written, ever so much. The images are liquid and memory, with the colors and the light. The creatures living in the colors with their alien sense of light. That's good.

[Volaticus]

Hi,
I found a lot of good imagery in this poem and I like that you keep the colour theme throughout. Some of the line breaks didn't work for me, making the poem read rather stiff/clumsy in a few places. The punctuation might need a look-over too. JMHO.
Thanks for the read.
Best,
LB

[Obloquy]

Hi I love your word choice, which is flattering, but not over the top.

>If only the sunset could be seen down here?

I caught this and got confused as to why a question mark was there. I'm not sure if it's intentional. It stumped me.

[Savanna]

Thanks for the feedback, I will take it on board..your right about the punctuation Volaticus, I wasnt sure how to put it in and when I did it didnt quite feel right to me...the question mark does not really need to be there at all, not sure why I put it in..lol..thankyou again.

[ScurryFunger]

Sweet memories
adrift,
away at sea.

Sandcastles in my heart
slowly fade away,
lending themselves to
somewhere else in time..

Sunset bursts into colour,
Crimson rose
luscious pinks,
gathered by the sea...

As I reach out,
touch upon the silken colours,
I feel the earth move.

Ocean currents
submerse me,
Deep down
into the land
where light is barely visible...

Little creatures
some unknown to man,
swim ever so gently
through timeless seas.

Their light fragments
lead creatures, into places
never seen..

Foamy waters bubble up,
fillagree patterns take form.

Little air pockets brush upon them,
they ripple out to sea..

If only the sunset could be seen down here?
Imagine the excitement, as all creatures
transform their world and view anew...

Perhaps one day
they will leave their home,
rise up to the surface,
breathe in the colours
of the setting sun.

In a flash,
dive back down,
into the comfort of the seas blissful
place of quiet,
Immersed fully
in the crimson colours,
of the days ending.

I would stop at adrift, no need for the 'away at sea', cos that's what adrift means?

Sandcastles wash away.

It was a bit confusing, you were being submersed into the land but went on about the sea, a lot.

ships ahoy as a title? I see no ships.

Only use the word crimson once, pick another red for the next to last line maybe.

Perhaps I just didn't understand it properly, in which case, ignore all of the above.