A Gauntlet of Bells
#1
Written as a testimony to boxer Vince Marino, a good friend.
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A GAUNTLET OF BELLS

From the open to the close it is a gauntlet of bells.
Rounds counted and marked by the clash and clang of attack,
after the first bell the world turns on you with violence
that is relentless and persistent until the final chime.
The choices you made that brought you here
bring you closer to your reasons for making them.

There is a reason they call it a ring,
even though it has four corners.
Inside of it is like being the clapper of a bell;
moving from one side to the other,
a step to one side giving power to a strike in the other direction,
the first push determining the tone
and the vibration humming through to your core.

Left to right and back again, and again,
thoughts run lightning to your glove,
impact runs through your shoulder to the bone

Life hits you in the face outside the ring too
but in here it is more honest about it.
You better give better than you get, one hundred percent,
until the next bell, your brief moment of respite,
a chance to sit, have a sip of water, maybe stitch that cut over your eye
until the next bell sends you back,
defiant and unbroken -
dodging and swinging, picking your moments
dancing away while looking for that sweet split-second
to leap forward and explode.

Another clang, another moment to recall how hard you hurt,
then another bell, back to protecting, attacking,
plundering your very soul for the grit to continue,
hit again, dance away, hit once more, take a shot to the head.
Refusing to think about how long to the next bell,
refusing to give in or give up,
more alive at that moment than any other.
Then it is done
and you hear the bell ring,
then the sweet sound of the count,
but whether you are carried from the ring on their shoulders
or a stretcher,
you know you rang the bell.

"In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite." - Paul Dirac (1902 - 1984)
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#2
Hi Reiley, welcome to the site! I appreciate the critiques you've left so far. Here are some comments for your consideration:

(09-05-2013, 10:28 PM)Reilley Wrote:  Written as a testimony to boxer Vince Marino, a good friend.
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A GAUNTLET OF BELLS

From the open to the close it is a gauntlet of bells.--I think you lose something by making the title and opening line mirror one another like this. I think the phrase works better as a title
Rounds counted and marked by the clash and clang of attack,
after the first bell the world turns on you with violence
that is relentless and persistent until the final chime.
The choices you made that brought you here
bring you closer to your reasons for making them.

--When I move through the content of this piece I could easily see it rewritten as a prose observation. I think it's just a bit too telling. It's also a bit too abstract for my tastes (violence, relentless, persistent).

There is a reason they call it a ring,
even though it has four corners.
Inside of it is like being the clapper of a bell;--This is probably where I'd start the poem. This line sets a nice foundational image that both sets the tone and the direction
moving from one side to the other,
a step to one side giving power to a strike in the other direction,
the first push determining the tone
and the vibration humming through to your core.--I think these last few lines are an example of where I'd consider condensing the ideas down some

Left to right and back again, and again,
thoughts run lightning to your glove,--I like this line
impact runs through your shoulder to the bone

Life hits you in the face outside the ring too
but in here it is more honest about it.--These two lines are a possible alternative conclusion. Though they may require a little more setup throughout the poem to pull off.
You better give better than you get, one hundred percent,
until the next bell, your brief moment of respite,
a chance to sit, have a sip of water, maybe stitch that cut over your eye--again, a little too telling here
until the next bell sends you back,
defiant and unbroken -
dodging and swinging, picking your moments
dancing away while looking for that sweet split-second
to leap forward and explode.--Can you get to all this in a tight image like you did earlier with the clapper

Another clang, another moment to recall how hard you hurt,
then another bell, back to protecting, attacking,
plundering your very soul for the grit to continue,--This is a little melodramatic
hit again, dance away, hit once more, take a shot to the head.
Refusing to think about how long to the next bell,
refusing to give in or give up,
more alive at that moment than any other.
Then it is done--This feels too much like play-by-play reporting
and you hear the bell ring,
then the sweet sound of the count,
but whether you are carried from the ring on their shoulders
or a stretcher,
you know you rang the bell.
I'll hold off from going much further in mild. There are elements I really like here. I'd like to see you enhance your imagery and cut back on the reporting. I hope some of this was helpful.

Best,

Todd
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson
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#3
Todd, thank you for your thoughtful comments, they make a LOT of sense, and were just what I needed. I will revise this presently.

"In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite." - Paul Dirac (1902 - 1984)
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#4
I don't have anything to add to Todd's comments, other than this poem causes me to think you must be very familiar with the sport of boxing. Great job of describing the action, etc.
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