Why, Sir?

[ellz483]

A pretty penny I would pay
If again I could be young
To have my life cast ahead of me
And have my head still dumb
For I've seen troubles, few, though great
And, I, becoming all the wiser!
Have reckoned more than once or twice
That it ain't a use to ask for "how?"
Or even bother with the "why, sir? 's"
Because this task called living
Comes not with map or manual.
In short, we are born to a cold world
To figure out, make do, get trampled
And just as fast, when luck changes
Night falls, compelling us to turn home---
As poor and helpless as ever.

[Elsie Fillmore]

A pretty penny I would pay
If again I could be young
To have my life cast ahead of me
And have my head still dumb
For I've seen troubles, few, though great
And, I, becoming all the wiser!
Have reckoned more than once or twice
That it ain't a use to ask for "how?"
Or even bother with the "why, sir? 's"
Because this task called living
Comes not with map or manual.
In short, we are born to a cold world
To figure out, make do, get trampled
And just as fast, when luck changes
Night falls, compelling us to turn home---
As poor and helpless as ever.

I liked the rhythm of the first four lines and the second four lines I highlighted. The tone, at points, seems like its beggaring pity which isnt my fave, and the use of "cold world" may seem a bit cliche. My advice would be to play around with the words, dont force the poem, let it rumble around.

[Volaticus]

A pretty penny I would pay Maybe: 'I would pay a pretty penny'..
If again I could be young .. 'if I could be young again'. For me it sounds less stiff and more natural this way.
To have my life cast ahead of me I haven't got much knowledge of meter and such, but I think it reads smoother if you take out 'cast'.
And have my head still dumb I like this line, but 'dumb' seemed a bit weak choice of word here.
For I've seen troubles, few, though great
And, I, becoming all the wiser! I don't think you need the first comma.
Have reckoned more than once or twice
That it ain't a use to ask for "how?" I don't think you need 'for'. Maybe 'no' instead of 'a'.
Or even bother with the "why, sir? 's" I don't think you need 'the'. Maybe just 'Or even bother with "why, sir?"'
Because this task called living
Comes not with map or manual.
In short, we are born to a cold world
To figure out, make do, get trampled
And just as fast, when luck changes
Night falls, compelling us to turn home---
As poor and helpless as ever.

Hi,
I like your subject of matter here. I'm not liking the inverted lines (I think they're called), I've noted above how I think they could read better, plus some other thoughts I got on my reads.
Best,
LB

[rowens]

A pretty penny I would pay
if I could be young again,
have my life cast ahead of me,
my head still dumb.
For I've seen troubles, few, though great...

I just kept wanting to start the poem out like that. So I did; but it's your poem.

[Spikerider]

I SEE TWO SEPERATE POEMS HERE, THE 1st paragraph seems to long for youth & to RELIVE LIFE,.... the last half seems to point out the pointless points of a lifetime
.... Id enjoy seeing this split in two & getting additions to both ;-)

A pretty penny I would pay
If again I could be young
To have my life cast ahead of me
And have my head still dumb
For I've seen troubles, few, though great
And, I, becoming all the wiser!
Have reckoned more than once or twice
That it ain't a use to ask for "how?"
Or even bother with the "why, sir? 's"
Because this task called living
Comes not with map or manual.
In short, we are born to a cold world
To figure out, make do, get trampled
And just as fast, when luck changes
Night falls, compelling us to turn home---
As poor and helpless as ever.

[LittleOwl]

Everyone else gave great advice; one of the only suggestions I would add is to avoid beginning so many of your lines with articles, prepositions, and "filler" language (e.g., a, as, for, and, or, to, if, have, that, because, in short, etc.). This can cause a poem to fall flat and seem predictable. I'd examine your word choices to make sure you don't fall prey to cliches ("night falls," for example), and maybe play around with line breaks. Reading a poem aloud sometimes helps me to determine where my line breaks should fall.

I like what your poem as a whole is meant to convey, so keep at it. Can't wait to read the revised version!

[sullsk]

That it ain't a use to ask for "how?"
seems that line was a little forced. rewording it would make this as solid as the rest of the poem.
also, id have to agree that 'cold world' is a bit over used.